So went with Alex to the flower show it was opposite SEERI very loud, very Indian, very strange. Managed to avoid buying things. I could have bought ten kilos of Halwa for example or bottles of Aloe Vera just loads of things I didn't really want. Oh going through a phase of dark thoughts, I think I am still fairly angry but why. Life isn't so bad. Yep people take the piss but life isn't so bad. I guess they should know I know they are taking the piss and I dunno will I do something about it. All very King Lear I shall do such things while the storm is raging. Twilight I have put on hold the exciting conclusion can wait till after supper. Oh the placement looks set they seem to think I have a lot of experience for office work now I think that's flattering. Well maybe it's a Nepalese hospitality thing but I send them a form and then a CV and after the CV well yeah it's a Nepalese flattering thing but that's the thing about volunteering people are supposed to be nice to you, and if it's only ten days I mean I could fall out with them just mustn't talk to them about politics or religion or anything really just do the whole polite quiet lets get some typing done. Ten days how hard can it be.
Yeah I did send a rude email that might find the cousins eventually. Obviously they aren't going to send me any of my money, that isn't how it has worked and nothing is going to change. It would be nice if we could drop the pretence now and I could take meet them again in a room where there is no darkness. That would be quite satisfying. No no no I don't want your money. That's not what I want. I can sense that one day we will meet in that room and then let us hope the Vipassana has worked because, oh evening prayer hate being late for Ramsho
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