At least Jose is back

Fr Jose never left for Kenya his mother is seriously ill. Unfortunately I profit from her illness. Got to watch out for karma best to treat all events with equanimity. I realized my cousin Diane will not provide any further funds. But there is nothing new there. I have decided to take my cash and run. Best if these peeps don't know where I am or what I am doing. Of course not you peeps I mean the ones that want me money.

I realized a missing piece of the puzzle. I do have bodily reactions to Paul Father. Sadness pressure behind the eyes and nausea tightness in the stomach. Freud says it's anger turned inwards. The Buddhists treat it as deeper samskara trying to rise and become free. The key is not to react but to be aware more fully of the sensations until they too dissipate. All things arise and disappear. All is impermanence. It is ignorance to attribute any reality to these passing sensations. True compassion is an attribute of the wise. Compassion comes from freedom. Else we replace drug dealers with methadone replacement therapy. And as many argue why replace a perfectly effective efficient drug with one that is more harmful less effective and less efficient. I can see why people fear Vipissana as a drug. It does at times have the sense of a prison movie especially one without incidental music. Though come to think of it the chanting never stopped.

Fr Jose will talk and I hope I have learnt to listen. England is expensive but I can afford 100 days. Some might wish to stay at the Savoy but I am keen on a forty day retreat. But Jesuits are definitely business like, no pay no stay. I can then negotiate whether I will be allowed to continue my Vipissana at 4am. Spiritual people can be very territorial and dictatorial about techniques. Though asking permission to arise at 4.am before the others for two hours private meditation and to spend my non-supervised day in noble silence might be taken more seriously than my need to take tea at the Savoy. But as the noble truth tells us there is no difference.

It's why I opt for designer leather sandalwear I beat my Ego back with such purchases. No Ego I says you will not pretend to holy poverty, and the badge of a sannyasi. Take that. Take that. Exhilirating in equanimous way I hope beating back the Ego with designer purchases.

And you may make mock but there is great holy povertyness in opting for the 13inch screen macwhitebook further discounted by 100 pounds for its whiteness than in lusting after the 17inch with 8 hour battery life. Do I really need the extra hour of battery life and the 13 inch can be tucked away with a Syriac course book.