refocused

The dealings went on all day had a semi-formal interview where I gave no comment answers. Thankfully I think I can just move on. Alex appears to have smoothed things over. Apart from these guys need better things to gossip about not sure what the fuss was. Thankfully caused me to focus. I am not here to walk dogs or make friends. I took a look at the Certificate test. I could probably pass now but that's not really saying much since everyone passes. If I gradually build up my drill practice and basic memorization should be enough to do well. Thus I can spend teacher time going through Matthew. Easy pace I got nothing to prove.

Have minor contingency plans if the Princess is released this year. Just have to concentrate the meditation and prayer on that keep focused. Nothing else to do. Keeps me busy don't get drawn into other people's business or their suffering. Not sure if I am totally convinced by all is suffering there is that joy above it all but I am with Sri Aurobindo on that it has to be here too else what's the point.

Life is not a rehearsal, it's not merely the moon reflected in water.

So yep if not. After the anniversary symposium this autumn can pick somewhere for another year or three. Oxford isn't too terrible an idea if I can get the 10k scholarship apply to Benet Hall and stay with the local carmelites. Not everyone would be into that and I figure one year as a guest should be ok they only get strange when they get comfortable with you.

Oh yeah it's actually really far more enjoyable for me here if I go wholeheartedly into the independence, which is what the serious ones do here anyway. Just keep working on my own do my drills, do my meditations and minimize interactions to table talk occasionally. I really enjoyed the day today because there was such little contact with others and such there was friendly short chit chat at table. I think the meditation may help with the Princess but I must stay focused on what I truly seek and ignore the rest.