Ah Oliver

It's so and I don't think this is a Levinnassian interruption of the face, more it's good to hear from you from time to time I miss our teas. I am going to have to write to Dennis again either he didn't get my letter or he finds all this post-modernist or is it post-phenomenological babbling intimidating. I don't claim to know what I know if someone did I'd ask them to explain. But I'll write him again.

Oh I think I am having a breakthrough. A feeling of lightness like a swallow on the wing or just before the split second before, or it could be those painless giant kidney stones, or it might just be one of those mild gastro-enterititus/colds that doesn't fully materialize because the immune system recognizes it early and gets the right anti-bodies in first. But I think I am coming to terms with that woman. Not in a face-to-face asymmetrical, I shall not kill the Other, I shall not absorb the Other into anodyne sameness, I shall live on the fumes of terror, the rumbling of pure existence in the night, not in that way, not even in the I have to build up my tapa for the prize of sammadhi is worth all the mosquito bites climbing the fifth mountain.

I have no rational reason for believing that an understanding, though ok it was Levinas, I know he is getting boring for me and I am fascinated by him, he was giving a Talmudic explication of the Canaan story, not defending Israel as such. He died 1995 family wiped out in the Shoah, his wife and daughter saved by a just gentile and our Holy Mother Church. We get some things right. He is a zionist I could deal with, a Qabalistic anti-Hassidic anti-fundamentalist anti-mystic rational qabalist. Anyway the reason the Jews have to wander for 40 years is because they make calumny against the Holy Land. But the Holy Land is just trees and rocks. How much worse will the punishment be for those who make Calumny against the children of men. It's not that Jews don't like mercy and forgiveness but they like fixed laws with some decent solid lex talionis punishment. Then if mercy comes be surprised be grateful. There is something mealy mouthed about an all forgiving merciful God with the mercy built in buy one get mercy free. We must rid the Church of Americanisms.

I am still a little schocked and surprised by how the Other has acted since my mother's death. As petty and banal as real evil is, I do not understand it. That scene from Pass it on, the older hero has returned home a stout teenager to set his mother and sister free from his abusive drunk father. He knocks him down and so his father cowers and then he goes to call his mother and sister to freedom. Next thing he knows he wakes from unconciousness tied to a chair covered in gasoline and the last thing he sees of his father is the smug look as he throws the lighter at him. His mother and sister perish and he survives to tell the story. It's not what is meant by the visage but it cannot be the last look. The look still disturbs me, though I know it is not the last.

Kottayam is I hope a smaller town in Kerala. Woah distances just looks a bit south on the map. It's gonna take 16 hours by train but I'd get to sleep. Or 12 hours by Bus.

St Ephrem Ecumenical Research Institute run by the Syro Malankara Church SEERI, I can study Syriac there but all I really want is to buy some text books. One day there, a new atmosphere, slightly difference seminary food, it's sort of a holiday pilgrimage. If only I had a fellow Syriac Scholar I could pilgrimage with. Plus I don't really feel I belong here. I could probably stay for many years but it would have been nice to belong. I don't get invited to special masses. I don't even get informed when they change the lecture date or venue.

Kottayam is a change before the change in Nellikuduru. I guess when I think of Kottayam I think of Arundhati Roy or one of the heroines of her book because I am pretty sure she didn't write anything again, just has angry rants about how nasty surreal this country is which isn't art no matter how you dress it up it's just how things are.

So finally Levinas lectures today and tomorrow. Next week Kottayam. And then term is almost over. And in Kottayam I hope to have a cross of iron, the metal of Dalits. We aren't allowed to wear silver or gold just iron. But I would rather be a man of iron.

The illusion of Lucre

I had gotten one of those emails from the NatWest HSBC saying they were concerned about my money yeah I bet, anyway I couldn't log on to the site they suggested I click onto which is probably a good thing, as it was probably done by them wicked wicked Nigerians or modern Robin Hoods, or Robber Barons or anyway point I was trying was I had sent a letter to my branch in Ealing asking them not to freeze my assets but obviously in simpler English. I don't think that actually worked the ATMs here are erratic but today the second day of retrying I managed to get some money out of the ATM. It's far more than I should ever carry around in England which makes me think it's probably too much for me to carry around here. But I now have again a sense of freedom and when it works I draw out more than I need which is not very eco-Indian but as I shall be writing to His Grace the Lithuanian head of the Congregation for the Oriental Churches, I have no objection to the Syro-Malabar rite's demands for separate dioceses and separate hierarchy for all of India, but I would like Our Holy Mother Church to consider the plight of me, could I have my own eparchy, I could research one that is almost dying but within the one hundred year rule but I was really hoping for an eparchy to acknowledge my special status as one lung padroado, one lung mar Toma Slihe, an Indian Heart in an African Body with an Occidental Mind. Don't actually want a Bishop unless they have one spare, and my request is far humbler than them Syro-Malabar empire builders with their demands don't give into them your Grace they will be more trouble than they are worth, if they really want to do mission work in India then get them to send one hundred priests on a suicide Christian witness mission to Manipur but I think when they say they want dioceses throughout India they mean Bombay Delhi New York London. I must ask a sister where to get the blue bindi powder from.

Orf to Kottayam on Sunday to arrive Monday. If Fr Jose returns I think he may be away, then he can book me a train ticket. I would try but they don't seem to encourage foreigners here on the Interweb they seem to prefer one to visit a local chappie and buy a real ticket. So I could do that too. But I am off either way. Then in Kottayam I shall purchase text books in Syriac, then an Iron Cross Mar Toma Sliba, they are Syro Malankara so they must have something like that in the religious hardware section and if not, I'll be in Velankanni soon. Oh have cracked the pronunciation so Patanjali is like Angelina Jolie but outwith the na Jolie. Stress on the second syllable then gobble the rest.

Oh the connection has failed it says so it might post it might not. Then I thought I must visit the Mall and try and get some things for the kids. They are now at 150 not going to be an easy call and I mustn't get things that el supremo the Mill Hill Reddy Priest would confiscate on sight. On Fr Jose, got some gossip from Fr Joose whom I really don't get on with. I have found if I don't initiate contact with him, and don't avoid him he sometimes chats to me. I was right about Jose though he is businesslike. When he was Director of the PG Hostel he was pretty much hated. If they had guests they had to pay 100 rupees per day for each guest for food and accommodation. This director lets the odd day and meal slip. It's not much money for normal people but if you live on a religious congregation allowance. I think it's 500 rupees a month but I may be imagining that recall. Oh and he didn't allow them water. Which I think means they now get osmotically filtered water though some modern hi tech system that looks very low tech.

So long as the man is paid on time though I find him very helpful and he has always done what he has said he would do. I don't think I like the Mill Hiller in comparison but if I remember I fell in love with the kids, teeth and smiles, and the albatross princess of clouds, and as Levinas put it, I am responsible for others more than others, as an asymetrical command. It makes sense to say I love you more than others but only a God could command love me more than all the others.

So a bulging wallet has given me confiance. I am disgusted with myself to the point of nausea. Sartre was influenced by Levinas. I think perhaps I shall spend the remainder of term (just a few days we are off to gypsy land on the 4th October 18 days to go) trying to familiarize myself with the continentals I had heard of and missed, and it's not really that funny to say before trying to offer the thought but it would only make sense if you had some understanding of Sassure Derrida and Merleau Ponty and the guy says but I do go on and you then parry oh wow at last could you explain them to me then. But first Chapter 18 of Intermediate NT Greek Reader if you are wondering why not Advanced Greek I think that would be the NT itself.

Ipseity is an odd word.

I think the secret is in laughter. And that evil must not have the last parole.

Oh that was it I almost forgot. Levinas gives a robust defence of Lex Talionis, they call him a Talmudic Scholar trained in the anti-Hassidic tradition but he is a Qabalist, a real one, spends his time contemplating ancient scrolls, eating them digesting them, praying because all the answers are in the Torah. The man knows what he is talking about. Yeah so he gives as an explication of the eye for an eye, the evil doer must compensate fully for the loss, economic loss should be taken into account. But it was limited to eye for an eye in the Torah because of the problem of wealth. I could blind many Dalits go to a cash point and then blind some more.

Interesting story of greed and envy. So Greed asks I want double what you give Envy, and Envy says I want the loss of one of my eyes. Oh well must go too much to read so little time.

Dress sizes and the Face Symbol as pure Symbol

Take two Bambina nuns here. One has an athletic build and she wears her Sari like a cat suit. The colour of wet sand. The other is I guess a size ten. She looks compact. The sari is more like a flak jacket for a Secret Service Agent. They are both attractive that's not the point. The point is in England the compact one would be a size 8. These are exam marks, they are part of a Z test to provide a rank order so that scales can be compared. A pure mark has no meaning outwith context. A sari is not like a driving test. It's more like a BA degree mark.

How can anyone here appreciate Levinas. They all have to hand in assessments and do exams. On that I think I should complain to Fr Binny. After meeting another priest this morning saying oh you missed a great mass. Whom should I blame I asked. After much tooing and froing he coughed up the name of the leader. The beauty of experiencing karma sanyasi in not really caring whether I am invited to the Spirituality masses or get a time table or am informed of lectures and changes in schedule is that I can complain to Fr Binny in a really relaxed yet dimly threatening manner. It is the rumble of Il y a in the night. That has something to do with the presence of existence felt as dark murmuring nope lost it, I had the concept almost in my sights, it was definitely a shadow of a trace but when I set orf in pursuit, well there you have it. It's why these peeps cannot understand Levinas. I am really very clever. Here there are a few people whom I know are more clever than I am. Some who can't really understand English well enough for academic study and the rest who just want to turn up get the qualifications and sell double glazing. Oh and I am I hope orf to Kottayam next week for a three day jaunt. 16 hours on a twain. Hmm. If I don't get the tickets Karma Sanyasi rides again.

So on the face, pure signifiance, it's not so much that it's not an actual face with features. It's that even a face with features is a signifier for communication, for language. Hence le visage is a signifier in a sense but not really for Language. Le visage => La langue. And by le visage se devisage. Something like language deconstructs itself. Except I am certain I don't know what deconstruct means. It's closer to in the concept of dress, there is hidden the concept of undress.

She may be a nun but she is completely naked under that sari.

I am going to read some more. I am not sure if I am happy or settled. I am finding the time to read and reflect though last night's dinner (far too vegetarian even with the chicken curry) was not completely digested, there was a storm, no electricity for the fan, and I couldn't stop thinking about Levinas. Though the good thing is we can't so much be having a drought as late rains. Though it doesn't structurally change anything for poor farmers. They still seem to commit suicide regularly enough for it not to be reported unless the daily figure is a high cluster.

And that's the real pull of Levinas, not the details, but the infinite, pressed down and overflowing paradigm shift. He extols the moral sense that never loses the apprehension that she has not done enough that more is expected of her. A way of living in fear and trembling, a trembling so violent it brings stillness. All these bricks to build the house of the ethical.

Levinas

I think I shall persist with Levinas rhyming with Aquinas. It's Lithuanian and all I know about that is there was this one woman a friend in common I had with that woman who wanted her name pronounced Alana all well and good but then why did she spell it Elena. And why should I pronounce it the a la mode Francaise, it's not like they are offering me a free pastry and French pastries are overrated, not enough sugar if you ask me, and deep frying always adds yeah yeah damn french with their self-assured snobbery they can insult you even without looking at you or saying anything, hey I like my food deep friend and I am not going to apologize to any french person for my peasant tastes unless she is very attractive and wearing something in lycra

I am a little troubled. I don't think it's my failure to understand Levinas, that after all is my success. OCI is a speck on the horizon, in the good sense. I have a Primer of Syriac Grammar and an invitation to Kottayam for 21-23 September which I think is next week. What I really want to pick up from Kottayam is an Iron Cross, not the German kind the kind with the Holy Spirit descending upon a budding empty Cross resting on three steps and a Lotus, with an iron chain. But obviously I'll get some text books and have a Syriac Lesson or Induction day don't want them thinking I am not interested. A man can want two things at once and still ask to be taken seriously I hope.

Oh I nearly commented over breakfast but thank god I was more interested in me toast and chai and that curried sago type thing upon which I put two large spoonfuls of sugar, yep Sr Anna from Thailand, I think they are planning to fail her but they haven't quite told her yet. Problem is no one is certain how much English she understands. When she arrived in May she couldn't speak a word. So she has improved a lot. She mentioned she teaches dance therapy at a hospital and a hostel for young women in Thailand, either that or I completely misunderstood her. So she wants some assistance with the assignments which have to be done in English. I was going to mention well in England you'd get done for racism you accepted her on the course took her money and now you are saying she shouldn't have come unless she was fluent in English, how do you think English Universities boost their funding. But what's the point eh. I did mention when Fr Matthew the course director suggested I not attend the counselling/psychology sections but a spirituality class was starting on the 17th when he didn't seem to know what exactly the module was just spirituality whether he might give me a clue where the class would take place, and I continued, in England we have things called timetables but here it seems to me more some sort of grapevine in Malayalam and things could change minutes before the class starts. Generally if I am the only one standing around in the corridor either I am very keen or someone from another class lets me know where they have all gone, and when I get there I am redirected somewhere else. Luckily I don't have to do assignments though I like bullshitting so I do them anyway.

But like I said I concentrated on my toast. Not much point in getting involved unless I intend to appeal to Senate and the Indian Legal System and as far as I can tell it really doesn't work that way over here. Sr Anna is an unimportant sister from an unimportant congregation based in Thailand which DVK does not appear to want to forge long term deep relations with. They could print her a Diploma but they aren't going to, it's not to maintain standards, it's to maintain the kudos of the printed diploma, it's a bit like an old fashioned knighthood, if you start doling them out to slimy creepy businessmen, transvestite singers and football players then all the snobs who would have paid big money for one are going to get themselves a Harvard MBA instead.

Oh yes and I managed to work out that when Levinas talks of Le Visage, he doesn't I believe make any comparison with the Carmelite/Catholic devotion to the Holy Face which after all is a face, features of the Cross Carrying Christ as revealed to the True Icon Veronika and is behind many a modern gnostic thriller detective hunt novel. Because he seems certain that the face has no features, when people make the usual ah it is hard for a soldier to kill someone face to face, or what Fr Jose suggested in his intro lecture yesterday, when a child beggar confronts you with her large eyes etc, he just ignores peeps. He means more no one can see the face of God and still walk with men. That kind of face does not have features, Le visage se devisage. The Face defaces itself. He has a thing for making up reflexive verbs.

The point of life is to confront the Face and walk no more with men. In the Other, in the command thou shalt not kill, only complete self-renunciation follows. Instead of pain and misery oh the injustice, woe is me, when all is said and done as the Japanese fairy tale relates, the King and all his courtiers burst out into peals of laughter. It's the slap in the face that could be a kiss. Ah as he puts it the true revolution never ends, but it is done in secret in catacombs and never joins up to demonstrate and shout in the street.

I understand how he found it so difficult to forgive Heidegger. The Americans describe Heidegger as a German Red neck, and one who could sing like an angel. You want to forgive him, you know you must, but then everything you have partially eaten, all the undigested world rises up in your throat and if you start to spue you when will it end. But then I find it hard to forgive those who know not how to timetable.

La petite bonte he suggested, I don't know what that means but he is like Therese you have to be willing to be ground back into the earth smaller and smaller, la petite bonte aren't things, not little wrapped sweeties to hand out to beggars. It's what the Other invites you to become. How could you ever forgive anyone who learnt to sing the song and then

Levinas

Le persecute est susceptible de repondre du persecuteur, I quote from memory but it doesn't mean well if you are going to dress like that missus, nor is it quietist, that's the thing with Levinas. I was muchly reassured by Oliver when trying to grapple with the Tractatus and not really sure if I would every understand it, that no one understands the Tractatus apart from Wittgenstein and some think he was bluffing. That's the beauty of continental philosophy, I was led to believe that there is a sharp divide between Anglo-American Analytical Philosophy and the Continent, fog over the channel and all that. Jose contends that with post-modernism and the 21st Century this has all changed. I still suspect it's because he is a Caflick and since our boys think Leuven is still the epicentre of all True Philosophical ideas, the Oxford Halls being mere ersatz imitators. But the main thing not the main thing this particular thing is I haven't got a clue what Leuven Lumas whats his name Levinas which apparently is not pronounced to rhyme with Aquinas I'll find out on Thursday I guess, but no one knows what he is saying which apparently is very different from what he said. That could just mean for the written word you require exegetic charity because it cannot respond to your questions or clarification requests but I bet it doesn't. Thing is it sounds really exciting. Could be a bit of a tease like a wonderbra but then that is the point of the wonderbra.

When we meet the Other we try to murder the Other because it challenges our right to exist outwith limitation. We don't really want to murder it because like John the Baptist it fascinates us also. So we just murder others. Or better torture them and try to get them to curse us in their agony to the living God. Did I mention he was Jewish. So when I read Levinas I don't try to engage with him in a Tango or Rhumba, yielding and thrusting but when I thrust I find the master yields until balance is lost and I have to yield and he thrusts etc. What I try to do is to incorporate his ideas into something I already know.

Yet the possibility of something new, exciting, a surprise, it's sweet is it not. It is in the unknowing, the seduction before consummation, and a consummation that takes us to a new promised land of fresh experiences and wonder.

So yeah got two books out one by the Emeritus Prof giving the two day lecture and I haven't got a clue what they are about but the french sounds beautiful. Oh yeah the quote I wrote before I forgot reminded me that my brother's gout is playing up again. He drinks alcholol eats rich fatty food and I get a pain in my big toe. Because the persecuted has a duty to answer for his persecutor.

Levinas is trying to develop a theory of the Ethical (which is not the same as Ethics) devoid of rationality, casuistry and legalism but built on the idea of existential right. The Other has a right that precedes my own existence. We are bound together in bonds stronger and more insidious than blood. It's a far more demanding ethical code than a personal or universal code system. It puts human rights, the asymetrical right of the Other as a necessary condition for existence. I think it has to do with Aurobindo and Advaita, he is placing the ethical drive as something to do with the Other, something to do with God, but not the God of dogmatic propositions, the mystic one of Neti Neti, Nada nada nada.

I find frustrating at the seminary that these peeps in theory have far more knowledge than I do, most already have some post-graduate studies some are on their second doctorate. On pastoral specifics they are really quite encylcopaedic in their promulgation of church teaching if pushed. But it is rare to find anyone who lusts after ideas. A recent apology summed it up, we just listen to them it goes in one ear out the other once we get back to the missions none of this stuff will matter but we need the qualification first.

I am strange here and stranger because I am seduced by ideas and allow myself to become seduced. Oh now's a good time to mention. John the Just offered to get me a Syriac Grammar. It's again the questing. I have a Primer. A primer contains all the basics of grammar. This one is set in categories, under etymology it has pronouns, and their cases in tables. There follows exceptions and changes in spelling when preceded or followed by words ending in vowels for example. Then they move on to periphrastic verbs which can be built with or without pronouns. Then the four classes of verbs endings attached to roots which are formed from the perfect tense. It's usually taken as a reference book. What I wanted was a Grammar with paradigms and exercises, that gradually introduce common vocabulary and through sentence practise help drive home grammatical points through practice. The point is there is a difference. And I am skilled enough in ancient languages to make the most of the Primer for now. I have a Grammar on order from the Library and I may visit SEERI for simpler text books / exercises.

Now there is a question about why Syriac. This too is a symbol and if it can be explained then it's not a symbol it's a puzzle and why set people puzzles if you could say it in simple words. I think it is a chrysallis where I can dream dreams as Joel prophecied. That and I need to stop throwing around my family pearls. There have been complaints about my asking too many questions. Jose has suggested I not attend psychology and counselling lectures, which means nothing more for the rest of term. I have a Primer of Syriac Grammar and the Levinas lectures to look forward to.

Oh I have shaved and cut the hair short. It is a bit like the expandable waistband leisure suit trysers for the Incredible Hulk yet in my chrysalis I shall increase my tapa and who knows what wonders may come.

Now just off to go through some NT Greek on Chapter 16 of a NT Greek intermediary reader. I like to keep my hand in.

So what does bring me to India

In my black Kurti the one what cost eleven pounds, the really nice one, all I need is a turban and I could pass for a double of the Catholicos of the Syro Malankara Rite, and if he ever speaks out against the rich and for the poor, or just got unlucy there'd be money in that. It still slightly annoys and I know it is a thread of the ego which is as imprisoning as bands of adamantine, but I finally got to see a Syro Malankara Qurboro (west Syriac says o for a) and some smartypants afters says so you probably couldn't follow what was going on. So it was in Malayalam apart from the Greek, I give the usual but that's the whole point I am carried by God to his breasts where he suckles me, mentioned the anaphora of St James, I could probably have given him a short run on that if he pressed me but now he decides I am an expert on liturgy. I prefer being the one they think who knows nothing and then surprises them because once they decide I am an expert and indulge in deeper level conversation they get the idea I am more of a dilettante and perhaps it would be better if you finished one course any one just. So I shall now try and get two readable books on Levinas, I think he will fit in with Aurobindo. There are guest lectures thursday and friday on Levinas and they are usually stimulating, and compulsory for all students but that's everywhere otherwised they'd all go play volleyball or other ball games. Then I shall head off to Fr Jose for 2.00pm I am resigned to his having a Syriac Grammar. There is no alternative. I shall have to learn Syriac. And not in the still struggling with irregular verbs and the handwave. I mean learn how to read Syriac and then get a beautiful copy of the Peschitta from some book store but nothing too beautiful I want to be able to read it and have it fall apart over the years. Fr Jose did wonder why I was so interested in learning Syriac. On one level I am not, but it's a bit like asking why I want to live in India. I am sure I could give reasons but I think Levinas might throw some light or Aurobindo. I am still going to try and get a visit to Kottayam though.

The real secret knowledge behind the name of the Rose

As every schoolboy knows, if you were to discover an ancient handcopied manuscript purporting to be Aristotle's second book of the Poetics on Comedy the first being his seminal work on Tragedy oh who can forget the exquisite terse beauty of the three dramatic unities, is that you would not keep tittering as you earnestly turned the pages not noticing your blackened thumbs and blackened tongues. The key to it's being a genuine copy is that it would be incredibly boring. If you ask me the real reason the handsome young novice traded unnatural embraces with the bald fat monk is coz he was into that sort of thing.

Damn Damn Damn and blast, Damn your eyes. So I had worked out a meta narrative theory on how given that there is no extant copy of Syriac Grammar (English Medium) then the Librarian of Dharmaram Seminary could not be holding one in his hand and merely waiting upon the photocopier repair man to alight so he could dash off a copy for me. All set I was to prepare to offer unnatural embraces in return for a secret meeting where I would be handed an invisible key to the Aedificarium only it would be in Syriac so probably has Raza in it oh I don't know details details, stay with me.

Occam's razor why multiply the Ents. He went for the broken photocopier to buy time because he doesn't have a Syriac Grammar, and it's frankly a stupid and unreasonable request obviously from some kind of nerdy trouble maker why on earth would anyone need a Syriac Grammar there are no pictures in it for starters.

Now I received an email just this minute from Fr Jose saying he has in his hand a Syriac Grammar there are several available and please to visit his room just telephone 6123 or whatever his extension is first to make sure he is there and I can pick it up.

Pick it up. Pick up a Syriac Grammar. Now what in the hell am I supposed to do with a Syriac Grammar. Does the man not understand my existence precedes my essence, oh expert on continental philosophy is he. Killjoy if you ask me. Well I'll show him. I shall visit his room this very day and pick up that Syriac Grammar and for the rest of term whenever he asks how are you getting along with the Syriac Grammar I shall while looking very distracted mumble oh struggling just a bit of a dither on some irregular verbs and haven't quite got the hang of the genitive absolute before he dashes off saying oh good very gooood.