Endofanera revisted

Back again
I dunno, I had figured who reads this stuff but then in the night that odd incident with Mrs Miggins recurred. It wasn't that she was all that strange with me, she still chatted and stuff and I don't think I said anything that might have offended her but maybe I did, communication is what is received. But would I have written stuff if I thought people were reading it. And there is that thing where if you search Googol for stuff it can bring up some strange readings from the dark interweb. So I figure. Just do the nonsense the stuff you enjoy here and be done with it.

I quite like visitors in Chinese who write stuff that could be koans according to the translation software and dear old Jenny who wants me to make money by visiting her site and giving her money.

And so long as it's just dem two and occasional family and friends well all for the best. That's what I think. Yeah that should do it.

Now as for phantasies since I have presumably absolute control over those, I am now going to return to bed and practise my padma shree acceptance speech saying why I felt I had to decline the Nobel prize for the discovery of Unobtanium.

profanities

They tell me once you demean yourself by swearing you automatically. But that only applies to slimy mercenary fuckcunts who want to win the set of fuckbitchcunt steak knives. I think I can maintain a long debilitating campaign based on breach of fiduciary responsibility including but not limited to fraud and theft. I do understand why Rick the Healer didn't really want to become a trustee because of the requirements of trust law. Whereas these fuckwits seem to think it gives them the right to steal. I hope they are rogues rather than imbeciles, as my olde friend Alex put it at least rogues take holidays. But the problem with the whole grown up legalistic campaign, some people give up because they think it's about technicalities, and it tends to be very precise limited action, you go for what you can prove, the truth can be distracting but it helps to know what it was, just like knowing the difference between magnetic and true north, or at least realising that there is a difference. For the moral compass.

But when dealing with petty greed. I think name calling though far less mature is probably where I prefer to go with this. Fucking bitch cunt thieving bastard cunt bitches. Yes I mean who wants to destroy some ignorant evil fuckwit's life. Shit you take this stuff seriously then they gonna lose some status for sure, people will know what they did, probably be kicked out of professional bodies next staget down but usually they only do that at the end to cover themselves, so they would have had to have been found guilty in a criminal court. I am not a lawyer here and non-lawyers have rather odd views about what the law is about or what it's supposed to be about. But I am guessing it won't be too hard to prove beyond reasonable doubt that the primary motivation of the trustees was to feather their own nest, that they knowingly produced false accounts and knowingly lied about a slush fund they using in preference to normal probate. As for the stolen goods, odd thing about human nature a thief always keeps a trophy, they probably have kept trophies.

You see this may sound all very fine as a detective romp in between soap operas and day time TV, but I find it far more sordid and disgusting wading through the latrinous minds of scumbag fucking cunt wits like these. I'd much rather tell what disgusting fucking whoring cocksuckingcunt bitch fuckcunts they are and be done with it. It's not like they are going to say oh sorry there Desi on second thoughts does look like we have defrauded both the State and you and stolen from you well let's must be nearly 100k now. So tell you what why don't we just take up some loans ourselves instead of suggesting you take up more loans to pay for your subsistence yep then we can just hand over 300k sterling to you now and forget all about it. What do you grown up thinks. You think that will fly. I recall a beautiful line from a little known Waterworld the Cowboy man film star film did the bodyguard anyway his colleague has just tortured and humiliated an enemy in order to procure information and having procured the necessary information he asks so what are you going to do with him now. And the reply is oh well don't worry we went to the same school do you think if I say I'm sorry I can let him go and he will forgive me. Then he says just go to your hotel room now me and the boys will finish up here. It doesn't concern you.

Even if the fucking cunt cocksucking bitch cunts had the money. Thieves don't play like that. For 300k even nice middle class cocksucking whore cunts like my cousins are seriously thinking of other options. In fact if I follow through on criminal charges, they could lose a lot more in the long run. As well be hanged for a sheep as a lamb. Otherwise known as the abstinence violation effect or if you are already guilty of one crime might as well go for broke. If they want to pre-empt I am ok with that, I do so like the casus belli theory of limited ahimsa but for now spending far too much time on the planning just need to let the fucking arsefucked arsefucker cocksucker cuntlicking cunt bastards just know that I prefer to lose the moral argument and I shall do so very loudly at the very next social gathering we attend. Make the next funeral more memorable I suspect especially if I didn't know the old goan that well anyway.

Fiduciary Duty and the Emperor of Torgovia

A dramatic midnight intervention from His Beatitude the Emperor of Torgovia to whom his Torglyn will forever be grateful. When anyway I feel better. Basically the Emp suggested things aren't all that bad just using common sense and the internet people have to have some level of decency which is enforceable. So instead of swearing at them I sent an email to be forwarded about fiduciary duty one of the more noble concepts of the law, then mentioned some of the more basic duties of a trustee and finished with a formal allegation of theft and fraud.

Will it make a difference. Might give them some sleepless nights. It depends how bent they are. A true villain now doesn't care. He figures drag it out as long as possible. If I die then the redress ends with my death. And if you choose you can drag these things out for years. Basically you have make a decision cut your losses and leave or drag things out. Once you go past a certain point it becomes so expensive you might as well see the thing through to the bitter end. Once my cousin said to my face that if I got a lawyer I wouldn't get any money the lawyers would I hope I made it clear to him then if the lawyers got involved it would be to bankrupt them. And they have enough money to pay for all the lawyers and return what's owed to me, though it might indeed bankrupt them. And what do I want with money.

I clearly haven't had much need for it these past few years. One of the more irritating taunts of those ignorant evil beasts. We'll see then. My guess is they will continue to ignore me. An officer of the court is not supposed to collude with dishonesty but if they choose their solicitors the same way they choose their financial advisers, as the sweet lil black gel sang it, it's gonna be harder than I thought but that need not be a bad thing now hmm.

Now that is from the end of Avatar and its ilk, you offer your adversary a chance to end things outwith further bloodshed, and when they say no never you reply I so hoped you'd say that. No smugness but this isn't about money. That much the Lacanians got right.

The eclipse

Not fancying the eclipse so much. It's a prophecy of the end times, not for Xtians for, Ragnarok the twilight of the idols, though I did see that twilight film maybe not as good as Lat Da Ratte Komma in but the sfx were brilliant, and a vampyre chick flick, all you had to do was to take all the sex out of it and leave the foreplay who knew.

So attended my first Kerala festival? not entirely certain what is was. Some kind of feudal throwback. We went to Fr Jacob's parish he said and then it turned out to be the Church his family had built for the parish, starts at his manor house which is set in a rich area anyways we had some snacks only realised they were snacks when the Russian American Serge (not mentioned him before PhD Byzantine studies former MBA accountant Russian Citizen with Green card Orthodox) well he says there'll be the main food after the procession.

It was very loud. Not just colours. Very Catholic Kitsch. A flashing cross mounted on a tuk tuk with Xmas lights. We carry candles. The Church is even more lighted up. Crosses flashing all colours. Loads of flash bangs. Fireworks. I think someone threw a match on the store of fireworks towards the end so that was impressive. Then the play in Malayalam about Paul I don't think so. Fr Jacob's brother said he understood speaker systems they could have one that worked and made it audible to everyone in the auditorium but then people feel cheated so it's designed to damage your ear drums and to be heard everywhere in the village. So speakers everywhere. It's loud. Something to do with Our Lady of Crops was the translation. And at the end of the procession a blessing from the blessed sacrament you creep before the sacrament then they tap you on the head with it. Perhaps I should have gone up by there is semi-purdah by the time I worked out what was going on the wimin were all creeping forward and they take their purdah seriously here. Plus no poor people.

Probaby best for me not to learn too much Malayalam bit like eating of the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and ewil.

Having a row mainly in my fevered imagination with my cousins. It's a bit like being tied up and gagged and someone slowly pressing a knife into your kidney and then slowly withdrawing it and wiping it on your kurti, now is really not the time to complain. The time to complain is as my old friend Colonel SS Von Landers put it with his perfect idiomatic English, when the shoe is on the other foot.

Revised Rupee Prediction

It's like that scene from 2012, we have based all our planning on your calculations and now you are saying your calculations are wrong. Rupee looks like it will hit 73 by end of next week. It's currently at 74.36 but it looks like it's gonna drop now. Certainly looking at 1 day or five day charts so drop over the short term. But on the three month chart still hasn't showed as downturn, that chart is still heading upwards. In the long term we are all dead. And things level our in infinity.

So yeah I looked at my CV I think I can make myself look ok on paper. Now I had felt cheated a lil bit not getting that whole Chartered Pyschologist thing but if there is one thing worse than a screw up and an underachiever it's a overachieving screw up. I'd then really be far too overqualified to do anything apart from the things for which I had insufficient experience. It's actually quite a good thing that my highest degree remains the BA otherwise all these part qualifications would just make me look bad.

And screw that nurse, I am not even sure if I like her. I really must stop projecting all the finest romantic qualities from hollywood legend and mills and sodding boons influenced novels onto strange wimin I don't know. It really is not a good idea. Please I want everyone to listen here. It's never worked out to be true, and I've got to stop the whole put everything on 36 black because it's bound to come up once if you keep doing it, in theory yes. But no. Stop it.

So once I have some money I am going to buy my tickets to Nepal only 15000 rupees which is still a couple of hundred squid but I am already here why head back into the great freeze and do what in London exactly. Nope head to Nepal go work in an office I have convinced myself this isn't just Nepalese flattery from Bhupi-ji he actually thinks I am experienced enough to work in any of their projects and since they tend to attract earnest hippie earth mother school leavers actually I probably am.

Odd how you can accrue so much work experience over the years just by getting to be 47. It all seems to add up when you look back. And screw that nurse. Actually she helped. I had far too much spiritual pride and belief that I was on a spiritual journey, my arse, leave that to the effing hippies, I am confused pissed off and very irritable but doesn't mean I can't do some admin work and typing for their office in Katmandu. And that is me, ok it's twenty years on and I am still hoping to do low level admin work for a office in the voluntary sector, but this time it's in Katmandu. I can't even spell Katmandu and they'll try teaching me basic Nepalese. It would be so handy to know the words, my children the people with me are our sworn enemies kill them now before they suspect, and then flee for your lives. but I guess they'll start with Hello. Doubt I'll manage to say that convincingly so which language are you speaking again. Heelow, Hurrah Harry, Hull I said Hello are you taking the piss.

Yeah and I probably dont' want to beat some long term disability into the cousins, nah I just want to travel around the far east more and perhaps do a Masters in Syriac at Kaslik Saint Esprit in the Lebanon. If I got really lonely I could get a Parrot but they tend to bite some sort of animal might be the thing for once I settle. Maybe Pondichery as a Syriac Teacher. Let's see how long I live first eh.

48th Kottayam Flower Show

So went with Alex to the flower show it was opposite SEERI very loud, very Indian, very strange. Managed to avoid buying things. I could have bought ten kilos of Halwa for example or bottles of Aloe Vera just loads of things I didn't really want. Oh going through a phase of dark thoughts, I think I am still fairly angry but why. Life isn't so bad. Yep people take the piss but life isn't so bad. I guess they should know I know they are taking the piss and I dunno will I do something about it. All very King Lear I shall do such things while the storm is raging. Twilight I have put on hold the exciting conclusion can wait till after supper. Oh the placement looks set they seem to think I have a lot of experience for office work now I think that's flattering. Well maybe it's a Nepalese hospitality thing but I send them a form and then a CV and after the CV well yeah it's a Nepalese flattering thing but that's the thing about volunteering people are supposed to be nice to you, and if it's only ten days I mean I could fall out with them just mustn't talk to them about politics or religion or anything really just do the whole polite quiet lets get some typing done. Ten days how hard can it be.

Yeah I did send a rude email that might find the cousins eventually. Obviously they aren't going to send me any of my money, that isn't how it has worked and nothing is going to change. It would be nice if we could drop the pretence now and I could take meet them again in a room where there is no darkness. That would be quite satisfying. No no no I don't want your money. That's not what I want. I can sense that one day we will meet in that room and then let us hope the Vipassana has worked because, oh evening prayer hate being late for Ramsho

75

Looking at the charts again, it's heading back up. No idea why but it should close at 75 by end of business today. I think it won't hit 76 because of the little hiccoughs. 9.am it's at 74.54 just glancing at the charts it should climb another 50 paise over the next 9 hours. This is just like astrology but with charts that are easier to read. So I fail to see how it can maintain interest apart from the pure joy of gambling on two flies crawling on a window sill. and at 10.30 74.61. This is almost as fun as Yahoo QA

Ah well it had a brief high just over 74.65 but dropped back to 74.54. It's not looking that healthy but it could still gather momentum. It's a bit like the Forlorn Hope regiment just needs one more push and they can pile on in or go into retreat. Still a few weeks mind for the promised transfer of funds. I would be annoyed if no funds were transferred.

Money

It's definite. If definitive were the ultimate virtue then Money would be supreme or is it. I had predicted the rupee would hit 74.6 at close of business today and it is now trading at 74.48 so I guess I was wrong, except a little earlier it had made 74.58 before dipping a little. Depends how you look at the graph. Looking at a five day graph it still looks like a hesitant step back before climbing. So by Friday's end it should be at 76 rupees to the pound. The only difference is it's a Muslim prayer day. This is where butterfly wings matter. And technically money is definite but it's really how you spin the data afterwards.

Galileo Galilei had predicted that Aristotle was wrong and falling objects did not fall through space at different speeds in direct accordance with their weight. He argued that they would fall at a constant speed regardless of mass. Yet when he performed his experiment by throwing out different weighted objects from the Tower of Pisa they did not fall at the same time the lighter ones arrived a split second later than the heavier ones. So although he had proved Aristotle wrong his opponents argued that he hadn't proved his theory right either because a split second is still a split second.

I lost about 200k to my cousins well that's what they now have of mine so that's definite. My brother he took 56k for definite. The house got sold and I have at present not nothing. I think it's a thousand rupees in my Catholic Syrian Bank a/c for definite.

Paul the Mill Hill Missionary buggered off with about 2.5k. And Jose the Syro Malabar Carmelite took around 1.5k which was converted to 36k rupees. But small pertooties we agree. So long as I don't get more advice on what I should be purchasing now. Apparently it would make sense for me to purchase my tickets to Nepal. Oh wow you see I must just be incredibly stupid and thoughtless not one to plan or prepare. It's not like I used to purchase tickets to the Garden a year in advance oh actually I did do stuff like that oh then it must be that I have only 1000 rupees in the Bank and yet if I could bank some of the advice I have been getting.

Do I look bovvered well obviously not sure if that Vipassana stuff actually works. Never mind I have resorted to old fashioned Roman Caflickism and demanded vengeance from a vengeful God who really loves us unconditionally and will send us to hell if we break any of a long list of what might be considered minor violations and then do not confess them with contritition and satisfaction to one of his priests following the Irish Celtic protocols before we abolished their Church Rite. At least the Syriac is going well for now.

Having reviewed the figures. Women of loose morality are slightly more dangerous to my financial health than Holy Roman Catholic priests supporting good causes but significantly less dangerous than members of my family. Cousins being more dangerous than brothers. I think I shall set up a phantasy league table I think that will be quite destressing for me.

Syriac and the Rupee

So at Midday price the rupee is climbing steadily to 74.33 which means I now predict it will be 74.6 at close around 6pm tonite. But that's far too fast a climb so I presume it will faff about for a while. So the Something Anton Kiraz from JSOT Sheffield. I think once you have got some grasp of Grammar and Robinsons is really overrated. Just because a book is tedious and collects together loads of irregular verb forms that doesn't make it an excellent grammar for students. Once you have picked up the basic grammar from Healey (Birmingham) Kiraz gives lots and lots of drill practice simple sentences. The Janet and John of Syriac. And then it increases vocabulary though with things like Telephone Desk and Notebooks this is meant for modern Syriac also. He is trying to preserve a living tradition. It would be nice to get to Saint Esprit in Kaslik. Any degree there after two years here. Then I could come back if necessary for the PhD. They are organizing French classes here they want to expand into modern languages. I hope it doesn't get too crowded.

Finally downloaded Deepa Mehta's Fire, this is the controversial one. Earth is the old one. And Water I think is the beautiful one but they tried to ban because they got so offended by Fire. This is India. But we'll see. How offensive can you be. Hindus eh. Worse than Muslims. Although bless the Librarian was warning me of the evils of Islam if I did get to Turkey (haven't got to Nepal yet). Perhaps I should have let him have that one. But there you go I needs must something more. Hey I get the meditation done at least an hour a day sometimes two. Persistence perhaps. Maybe I need to do more.

Fr Jacob is happy with my progress. We are moving on now to noun forms and conjugations. Though it's nice to have feedback. I think I prefer just doing the drills on my own and waiting for it all to come together. Well enough chat I got to level 3 at Yahoo Q&A. And did another review for Amazon. To summarize the last, yes Law Abiding Citizen is a good action film but if you really just want a film to accompany drink and nibbles then perhaps wait five minutes before tucking in and the film will not disappoint.

The rupee and leeches and lessons

There was a theory about patterns, things go in predictable leaps a few forward a few back but you can generally work out the direction and when they will turn. Currency speculation can lose you a fortune so who wants to gamble but if you look at the rates for past few days and past few months then my prediction is that the rupee turned from it's current high of 73 to the pound and will return to around 80 rupees in about two weeks which is really convenient for me because Rick the Healer returns from Venezuela at that time so I should be getting a most excellent rate on the first exchange and then pop half in a deposit account at quite high interest.

Yeah people mocked when I used the umbrella for walks in the night for fear of the black things in the night air but I picked up a big leech a few days back. I thought I was getting a scalp problem because of non-washing but it dropped off yesterday I think. The big ones are almost better than the really small ones. Yep and saw a huge cockroach in the bathroom this evening. We share the planet what can I tell you. And I don't have a plan. The roaches were here first.

So Fr Jacob seems keen for another lesson. 9.00pm bit late for me. Hope he doesn't get all excited by my keenness it's a marathon and I tire. Really want to be in bed by 8.30. Oh but managed another 1hr med and then emailed a vipassana centre in Nepal. Bali is not cheap from here. Be cheaper to get a return to London. Unless all prices have risen. That too. But Nepal seems the place. Another vipassana won't get me there but need to do something still. Just let go and do nothing I should be good at that by now.

Beards Ants and the personal pronoun

So decided to let the beard free for a while. I am not that good at wet shaving and with cold water it's carving up the features and no need for the mount rushmore effect I am still approaching forty although I really need to change direction or I'll end up hitting fifty soon. Alex did mention fine american ploys for the prevention of ant incursions. Oil in cups and then resting the legs of the bed in the oil cups. I know in my heart it is impossible to prevent ant incursions. I've seen Avatar. I am Vipassana. But still I'll kill a few when I see them traipsing across the computer or forming long lines along the mattress. Yep I get bitten but not that much. Not as bad as mosquitoes and other flying critters. Just have to learn to share. And yes I do know it's all mine, it's all ours as my brother preferred and so how can anyone steal from anyone.

So Fr Dr Jacob seems serious about lessons almost. Yesterday we moved from letter recognition, morphology to the personal pronoun and verb to be and demonstratives and relatives and interrogatives (pronouns). He had suggested a class a week 15 mins. But at the end he said maybe another one tomorrow (today). I think I am set. I'll switch to the revision via Dom Palacios after ten when the library opens. And sometime after 9 I shall head off to the post office to send Irom her next parcel. 1984 and Roots and knots an Indian sex in the city novel for men, but written by a woman. It took the edge of 1984 I can tell you. A few more Malayalam letters.

I have noted today I slipped from 4.30am rise to 5.am rise reducing first meditation (which ends up being only meditation) from one hour to 30 mins. Hey a lot easier to say that if you don't say one hour to a half. Oh and I'll ask someone how to sign cheques here. I think I have a hang of crossing (top left corner) but not sure what all the boxes mean. Ah everything is difficult the first time. Or things become easier after repetition but yeah maybe not all things.

Rick set to return on 26th which gives the Pound oodles of time to recover and looking at the past five day cycle I think it's bouncing back. Compare that with the one year cycle though and it don't look so healthy. Oh well toodle pip. Maybe something on the horizon might just be a cloud.

names

So Fr Jacob handed me my bank stuff I have a cheque book and a computer pass book but without my surname. Their names are odd here in the South. So tomorrow I intend to return to the Caflick Syrian Bank get my surname added and try to get a cheque book of crossed cheques not sure about pay the bearer that just seems to be asking for trouble.

He dropped by my room in the middle of Avatar. Now if anyone in the West hasn't yet seen it. Well this is what the IMAX was built for. Even on my 13 inch AWMcB with a Cam held version I thought Wow. In fact I would have paid western prices to see it here if it was a 3D version and that's not on offer in Goa as far as I could tell. So no way would that be possible in Kottayam.

Apart from that a rather good day. I found a recommended grammar in Latin by Dom Palacios of St Anselms in the library went through the first section on letters 16 chapters this afternoon. I sent off my express letter got banked and saw Avatar in fact Armoured is almost completing it's download now. Like women in the night film downloads they is. Oh evening prayer about to start May you be happy. May you be happy. May you be happy.

Now this is how it's done

I am without trying too hard, trying not to feel too satisfied for therein lies samskara and soon I shall feel unsatisfied again. Fr Dr Jacob after writing a certificate phoned a Manager at the local Catholic Syrian Bank Jose, and then took me by car the 800 metres to the Catholic Syrian Bank where Jose set up my bank account. He had thought sterling at first but I have no sterling so I am getting a rupee account with a cheque book and debit card which is really all I want for now. Once I have the details I will have Rick the Healer send over maybe 3k pounds just to see it works and because that doesn't need a declaration. And having checked out interest rates and chatted to Jose, maybe 20 or 50k for the sterling account. That means to me that I can live here unmolested and outwith recourse to begging for ten years notwithstanding unforeseeable events. And I posted my first letter speedpost to the Registry at UCL. So I can start composing my next letter to Sharmila Chanu. I can so some more Syriac sentences and write some vocab and press ahead with Malayalam I think I am on Day 2 of the 30 Day course. Definitely worth taking the afternoon off from 4.oopm coffee break to watch Avatar.

B Day

As Derrida pointed out the odd relationship between the spoken and written proclamation, I shall set out soon to the office to obtain some kind of letter of introduction which Fr Jacob hinted he might provide for me, it's more done by hints here, he sort of intimated he could show me the Syriac Creed if I wanted help enunciating but after dinner it's really R&R time and not for enunciation I mean I am a serious Syriac Scholar. So then State Bank of India, and if they say hmm I'll try ICICI and that will be enough banks for one day they are I think in the same building. Not all that certain I need a bank, more want one. Then to the post office to try a registered post to get my degree transcripts sorted at UCL. Then potter about with Syriac and Malayalam. Might be a midday prayer not sure when term starts. Then get that book on Horizons in Syriac Studies from the Library and I have Avatar downloaded and ready to view, now it's cam held but the thing was meant to be seen in glorious 3 D with specs and popcorn and some gel trying to impress that she really likes CGI effects and action films. Then should start composing my next letter to Irom Sharmila. I would be satisfied mind if I got a bank account even another Maestro card that worked more often or if it was swallowed I'd still have a spare. I shall return with news of banks.

Sunday is Funday

They have a proper Qurbono morning prayer in Malayalam 9 whole thing finishes by 11. This is the one with the incense and bells and are we under attack no it's a visitation of the Lord. I think I shall refrain from Servile work on Sundays so only Syriac if I am in the mood but mainly reading, eating snacks, no more sugary stuff it draws the ants they aren't so keen on savoury so I am sticking to Chura and gram stuff. 1984 is a jolly good wheeze. Hadn't realized true love waits had got it's idea from the Junior Anti-Sex League. I guess a lot of the terms of Newspeak are current just hadn't realized that's where it began unless of course. And a good read too. For a classic it gets you hooked rather early on and yet doesn't have any real pace. I am not so sure I want to meet anyone in a room where is there no darkness one day sounds a bit like Guantanamo or Abhu Ghraib but that Winston Smith for all his talk is rather naive if you ask me. Tell me something I didn't already know Winston but he tells it well perhaps because of his naievete. Oh and something flighty on a modern Injun man sort of sex in the city for men, not sure if that idea can actually work, and the writing isn't as good, but it's more my level. New man that I am. Might try the superstore after lunch for Chura just to see how Caflick this state really is, can't be that Caflick this is Hindustan some would have us believe, and damn right I am Zanzibarbarian with an EU passport and I have no intention of surrendering that for citizenship that doesn't give you any rights at all. Yesterday's paper some Nepalese woman was deported back to Nepal on National Security grounds in her final year of study though the paper was surmising that her Sikh ex-husband really wanted her back and so it's almost a romantic gesture apart from he'll probably kill her if she rejects him in Nepal. And then some citizen is randomly arrested and detained on the same National Security issue so good news is it really won't hurt me never to become a citizen of this godforsaken secular land. So long as I have money. A case of renting is far more preferable to tenant landowner. Oh that's enough 1984 I am going to read the male chick flick thing and cheer up and lighten up.

A good day

Without wishing anyone anything but Mashallah the Will of Aloho as we say in Syriac it's awfully warm over here. And as if to stop me gloating there was some article on how in cold weather everyone gets more sex, although that has never worked that way from personal experience hmm nope can't say that I have found any connection with atmospheric conditions and my love life possibly a more modern cutting edge astrological thing then. So I have that highly satisfactory feeling Johnnie Major oozed after a most excellent day of high altitude bombing over considerably inferior to non-existent enemy. But why.

I feel I will gain a bank account with ICICI Bank on Monday. The main reason I feel this is that the Bank of Baroda into which I popped in briefly just wasn't interested. And I attributed this to the Indianness of the clerk. I mean yesterday he tells me I can't get a PIO account without an OCI card but people OCI just stands for overseas citizen of India it is just a way of paying a larger amount once for a once and for all visa. It doesn't make you a citizen or confer any other rights. So armed with my belief in the rationale of my now favourite PIO site, and I think I prefer the term person of indian origin because NRI is really a citizen of India who is some kind of tax exile what we call in British English an ex-Pat. So I feel Baroda turned me down more due to the Indianness of the clerk. Yesterday he tells me he can only give me an ordinary chequeing account but for that I must bring my passport and photo. I asked him whether the Director of SEERI would count as someone who could verify my identity and he said I just needed to bring passport and photo. Today I have passport photo and all sorts and he says oh I need someone to introduce me. After quoting FEMA 1999 at him and declaring myself to be a PIO he then suggested it was procedure. So I did make an attempt explaining my theory that I have money and they were a bank and you'd think we could do business but if not I would go to one of the many banks outwith who did seem to want the money of PIOs. Makes me sound like a Vietnam Vet a bit Don't PUSH ME but he just smiled and I did say well he could have told me this yesterday before wishing him May you be happy. Anyway ICICI offer a platinum visa debit card. I never really like Platinum cards Baroda were offering a visa electron but either will supplement my Maestro card so if I did need to make an impulse purchase it might be possible. So that is why I think ICICI will open an account for me. Well two actually one a current a/c where I intend to have 5k pounds transferred which should pay fees and fun for the next year. The second Foreign Currency Non Resident External a/c which used to be called in British English well something similar for which I will be able to claim back the tax on the grounds that you only pay tax once and I pay tax in Blighty and I do because the cousins are volunteering to pay my tax for me out of my money even though I am not liable for tax. And when I can think these meaningless meanderings without reacting at all, then I know the vipassana is kicking in. Oh I have been having more luck with that.

Morning prayer had been cancelled for the funeral anniversary mass of one of the previous lecturers. Alex came and got me while I was trying for breakfast for the later Qurbono. Then we had prayers for the dead at the cinerarium wall. That set me up I thought it was thoughtful of him. My guess is Fr Jacob will mean well. I met with him twice now for lessons, but he won't really have time to give tuition. Alex has mentioned the lack of support here. But that really suits me. It means I can get on with my own stuff and learn at my own pace. And for me because this stuff I do sort of have loads of experience in dead languages, it's all going to come together and then start to make sense. At present I am building up vocabulary daily, starting the brick building and it's quite meditational or boring whichever. Learning to chant some simple prayers the trisagion for example, and the Abun d'Mashmayo and I must have a go at the Hail Mary before evening prayer. So that adds to the good feeling. It will come together and then I proceed formally to phase two and start on text reading with a lexicon which I now possess.

Oh and Alex lead me to a fine bookshop. Kottayam is known as a bookish town which some make fun of. Not much here but quite a nice bookshop in DC books also a local publisher of Malayalam classics. Now Alex not that impressed, it's not Landmark. But I got another of those learn in 30 day books this one for Malayalam but for some reason I feel I will do better with Malayalam I think because it is the secondary language for office and qurbono and it's more for me to pray with rather than chat with. so semi dead as the Indians might say. Which means I can write again to Irom Sharmila. Be nice if she writes again but it's not looking great. There is continual power outage not just like we have here. Some areas of the country just don't get utilities. All students have been on strike for the past four months so 4 lac children and young adults will not proceed to the next year of study/graduate this summer. That was over another murder by the security forces a few months back.

So yeah I am happy and settled it's just the rest of the world is going down the toilet but as we say here in the south anything that far north doesn't really affect us here in Kerala. So just have to work out the routine here. Morning prayer 6 evening 7.30 the Qurbono usually after morning prayer and probably midday prayer around 12.30 once it restarts. Two hours of vipassana and regular Tai Chi, then Syriac, Malayalam, internetting, oh I hadn't realized I was able to download 20 films in Kandy Cottage it did mean nothing else could be done on the internet. Only when I get here do I realize how nice that was. My download speed is now about 20% the speed of Kandy so instead of a film a day it will be a film a week but how many films do I need to see. Oh have some novels to read and plenty of juices and bikkies. I have decided to go on a 3 day fruit juice fast from 29 January before joining the Ayurovedic diet for the remaining 6 weeks or so here coz fruit juice is not a fast really, it's like saying a sweetie and chocolate fast but technically it works as an ayurovedic detox almost. Which reminds me I should email that other Monastery in Katmandu just in case the WSL volunteer monastery doesn't follow up it's acknowledgement, or given that I am a free man of a free country (not an Indian then) I could obviously go to Bali should it become. Probably something else good about the day but it is the feeling which I intend to observe during Tai Chi and let go.

Abroad is bloody. I know I live there.

Aha the problem with a fixer is these days they take your money and do nothing or in my case don't take your money (which should be a worrying sign) and do nothing. I believe it is fair (yeah right) to say that the current corrupt practices in the Republic of India in those states where the state is still working means that only VVIPs get special treatment which annoys the VIPs so much they tend to stand for election at their earliest. A VVIP appears to be a politico where as a VIP appears to be either a Bollywood Hero or Heroine and/or an Industrialist/businessperson. Damn shame really but having loads of dosh doesn't necessarily help. Plus further south you go less corrupt people get in terms of disproportionate assets inquiries/arrests. Not sure if you can bribe people successfully this far south.

For the visa I am relying on having a flush bank balance and a finely composed letter from the Director of SEERI inviting me to study for the MA at the world renowned Mahatma Gandhi University regional centre Kottayam. Though I don't think there is any where else you can take a Syriac conversion course MA for now. Rick seems happy enough to just hand over my dosh, which a friend had offered to do for me as the simplest solution to all the kerfuffle but we get there in the end.

Banks I take a simpler view on. In the end India US UK a banker is someone who takes money from people applies hidden charges but steals a lot less than a professional thief and usually gives you access to some of it on a daily basis, so a bit like my cousins really. Anyway I figure if I tell them I have 50k sterling to invest effically and failing to explain to the banker what I mean by effically (i think it means some sort of conscience payment in eco-friendly tribal hugging nonsense but through some strange quirk of investment practice will also mean massive returns on capital even after banking commission) ok any investment with a decent return for the next few years then he will arrange to take my money. In this world view if I wanted to buy groceries I would visit a grocery store. If I wanted to watch a film I would go to a cinema. I am oversimplifying of course because if I want to watch a film what I would actually do is purchase an Average White McBook become impressario chief roadie and spokesperson for the reformed AWMcB and then use Vuze downloading bit torrent files now over several days with the newly imposed 9 bps limit on downloads and then I would go to my room with my newly purchased double layered vacuum flask filled with soda and fruit juices and then I would watch a film. I am not paying western prices to see a film in an Indian Cinema. Hmm.

Morning prayer wasn't. I am not sure how regular these peeps are at praying. Newbies always complain mind. Give him a few years see how keen he is about morning prayer in his tenth incarnation of it hmmm.

Planet 51

Ok so this is a really good site for me http://www.nriinformation.com/default.html John the Just found it for me. So if the High Commission in London won't give the two year student visa because that course begins only in August then they should give the six month provisional student visa so I can take the qualifying course which isn't covered by a student visa and then in July I can apply for a student visa outwith returning to London. That's good to know if the High Commission also knows about it, sometimes they don't. And usually with them there is some european temp who knows what will fly and they advise you on the day if you will or won't get.

I have figured out that I can probably qualify for what they call person of indian origin self-declaration as I have some paperwork to back it up if a Bank wanted to take my money. Only problem as Rick found out the really huge rates of interest they advertise are more the wriggly worm to hook you in the holding net and when you are there they drop the rate. So although today I saw a rate of 8.5% now woah boy, yeah but I always found this stuff fun, it's like LOTRO or WoW if I kill ten Goblins might get the scimitar drop and if I exchange that with the High Elf in the forbidden forest he might give me a ring and with the ring. What's the difference. Investing money is just like being a MMORPG geek and full of many similar traps and flaws.

Ploughing through the Syriac. I have decided to do it the old fashioned way. Learn vocab every day. Write lines. Memorize. Which is also like LOTRO. I'll have a go at Malayalam well just learn the script, not so hot with living languages. I think I'll write a letter to Irom Sharmila. There is at least one new Mime play out about her but they say she is fading though she has been that way before. She mustn't give up hope, stay alive they say. That's the thing with hope. I remember that last great battle when I was with this Unicorn and the Seer was saying she felt this was a great day that spirits may fail, and justice be driven from our worlde but not this day for never had a greater assembly of heroes etc and I took her aside and said did you really mean all that and she said nope in less than an hour you'll be dead and that species will become extinct but what we need right now is hope.

So if Wilma has a change of heart and will all the chanting God well maybe God doesn't really know wimin eh, anyway I am minded to accept the teaching of monk younglings in Nepal then when it comes to School hols she could have a more relaxed stay in Bali. But why, why won't she come for a relaxing holiday in Bali. This never happens in the films except halfway through. Oh saw Planet 51 yep standard stuff nice break. A few more lines now just enough time before evening prayer and then dinner and maybe should wind down before sleep.

Evening all.

J R Desi III

First attempt at obtaining forms for a fixed deposit nri foreign exchange account got a fancy title but something like that. I tried Bank of Baroda as I worked for them once in London. Took a while to get the chappy to understand he seemed far too interested in what I was doing in his country do I look like a Sting operative for the local rag or bent double agent coppers. All very Indian. In the end his colleague suggested whereas I could get an account on a tourist or student visa it would be locked ie in rupees and they would be here to stay. So I figure I'll get an account sorted tomorrow maybe with them. Then stock it with 3k pounds sterling per year as my spending allowance for fun. I'll bring 1500 euro for the fees on my return. And then I'll make inquiries with other banks to see if it's true or not, because John the Just is on a tourist visa and he has a foreign exchange thing going so I just think the Baroda boy wasn't really interested in the extra paperwork. And anyway ING bank next door was offering 2% more pa over five years fixed than Baroda which on 50k investment is an extra 1000 pounds I think but if I calculate that again the figure will change. But is more money for sure. Hey yeah that's 10% over five years which is 5000 pounds more. Where did I get the 1k from. I studied far too much statistical mathematics to do calculations like this. Oh yeah it's compound six monthly so it will be more than that. Oh far too grown up. Anyway I shall email John he is grown up. He will know.

Almost Set

I dunno maybe I had given the deposit as some kind of donation but it's not much either way and I now have a letter from SEERI to get my visa. Tomorrow I will pay the accommodation and certificate course fee which is 12,160 rupees, which I think is around 150 pounds for three months which is very reasonable. Then it's 86k rupees per year. I might have to pay another 12160 before that or maybe not but in total in won't be more than that or I can't see any other hidden charges. Also got a quick lesson on the alphabet. Oh also Alex sorted out the Vuze. Very logical and yet quite sweet. So by a process of elimination he worked out it wasn't the toolbars on Firefox so I'll keep those. He has limited download and upload speeds. So things will be slower getting here but I can keep them going all the time. Plus I am on the account with the better reception so it should be fairly continuous. All in all a good day. I think I feel like a meditation far too much activity for me. All I need to do I think is get my transcripts from UCL and maybe a migration letter but I'm not sure how serious they are about that. And knuckle down to some Syriac but since first lesson was on the Alphabet it's not going to be taxing. I had said I had completed Healey but I am easy. Oh yep and tomorrow I shall explore the library. Feel more settled now. At one lac rupees per year max it's about 1250 pounds sterling for full board lodging and tuition so I don't feel ripped off. And they are quite friendly with it all and the broadband is solid. Catcha later.

Why Nepal

I'm glad you asked. First broadband here is not slow, I am getting over 40kbs combined download and upload speeds but with four films in the queue it will probably be tomorrow sometime before I gets to see anything. So I tried looking into Bali but couldn't get very far I am not sure how the other students are coping, it will probably slow it down for them too but I am not sure how keen they are on surfing. Anyway saw this WLS volunteer programme. 490 dollars which ends up being 500 quid sterling I don't get the exchange rate any more but thats two weeks board lodging and because you are a volunteer a proper kosher one everyone is nice to you. I am opting for teaching english in a monastery because you can sit in on the meditation and although no one is upset if you sleep in that would be why I chose the monastery. Kopan Monastery is something like twelve dollars a day which ends up being 200 quid sterling. Ah they pick you up at the airport and make sure you get back to the airport. It's hassle enough at my age getting to Bangalore. So they will let me know in two days whether I can proceed, yes I did mention the health problems only because they asked I was a bit concerned about that whole lesbian nurse thing that went awfully wrong but I figure can't go living your life in fear of phantasmagoria, I mean I am a phantasmagoria fighter, what's the point in being afraid or imaginaries hmm. So if they say yes I'll try the debit card for a deposit and then try out the card on purchasing return flights to Bangalore with the 2.5 hr stopover in Delhi and that is a hidden penance, though 2.5 hours to move the 500 metres between terminals might just be enough time given that I am not a VVIP or Bollywood hero and it will make Katmandhu feel like paradise. But now of course the Scooby gel will contact me and say she has reconsidered and of course she'd love to go to Bali with me. Aha by anticipating the event I have with skilful means obviated it, I continue with astral care of her soul, one day you shall be mine, today t'was Qurbono, which is like a Qurbana only with West Syriac vowels.

And Tibetan monks, mountains, Nepal, I can save Bali for when I am more serious about my eternal trek to the south island of NZ. Which reminds me I must write that review for Hellboy 2, (Toro is also directing Gollum in the south island as I write but you knew that).

It looks too quiet Kiptan

Chatted to Fr Jacob, Alex had already suggested he would be laid back. So I can stay till March so all I have to do now is find out prices to Bali and then somewhere to stay for two weeks there. I'll meet with him tomorrow about formalities. How much to pay for the stay here. And to get the letter to apply for a two year student visa. He thinks maybe the PhD in Lebanon. That suits me. First things first once I am on the MA course I have two years here. I don't really want to stay another three years in the same place. I'll be lucky to last two years.

Avatar will take a day or two to download. Had a small problem with the power adaptor but Alex seems to believe that all macs require a stack of books propped up against power adaptors in some stage of the proceedings and I had been doing something similar so it's always good when two people suggest the same thing even if we turn out to be wrong stupid and wrong. Forgot to confirm when morning prayer was I think it was 6.00am I'll aim for 5.30 rise though and take things from there.

The ayurovedic diet seems heavy duty a one week fast on coconut water then a sort of vegan thing. Worth a try once I have settled in. Pretending to be holy is like going camping in the back yard, when Mumsie brings cocoa and bikkies throughout the night and checks that you are still warm and stuff. Yep got a new version of firefox and vuze. I am not sure about Hindi films they don't seem to give comments these Hindis I might try one but might be a waste of download time. I shall look around more perhaps I need a Hindi specific bit torrent site.

Irom Sharmila's health is declining she now speaks very little. I may not get another letter. I'll have to think of bookstore visits or something to send her from Kerala. Whole of the north east going down the toilet though I don't think I like India anymore. But as they say we are in Kerala it doesn't affect us here. Yep all set up. Once I have a few films downloaded and have got myself a rythym I think life should be sweet here for a while. I just have to stay out of passionate conversations and stop accusing people of being fascist morons yes that would probably help ease me in. Oh and I have astral work to do too. Oh and some Syriac now's the time to get serious. Though I am assured I have been serious enough. We shall see.

We are Go

So met with Alex, thank God he was the nice Canadian I met last time, he set me up on the internet as you'll can see, I have begun downloading Avatar which will be viewable in three days or less depends on seeding possibly tomorrow. He is not fussed about downloading films. Oh I should try for Dev D and Dev Deva though I tried for Deepa Mehta's fire water air series and it's not looking good. The Avatar movie is cam corder with german subtitles when they go avatar old school but since John the Just was not going to pay western rates to see a film and then head back home in the dark I'll see Avatar and old school piracy is perhaps retro and all the fashion in Goa. Oh I should write more but am off to prayers. I shall continue after my conversatio with Fr Jacob which I hope will go swimmingly. I did have a minor mishap with one student who insisted I should learn Hindi this being the national language of India. I think I may have suggested he represented the forces of Indian fascism and perhaps I shouldn't spit each time I say the word Hindi adding language of our oppressors, yep I dunno how I managed that on the first day over tea but I need to get some control over the passion. At least I haven't offended Alex yet. Ok time for prayers catch you'll later so far still so good.

I had a dream

For the foreseeable to whom it may concern I am based at
St Ephrem Ecumenical Research Institute
(SEERI)
Baker Hill
Kottayam 686001
Kerala

So last night in Goa John gets a call from name very much like the nerdy gel from the Scooby Gang anyway I mistook her for another niece but that aside, well it's on a mobile and it's dark people. So I had a dream about this one recently well in Bangalore sometime. I can analyse it but I think sometimes good to play with dreams. As the Colonel SS Hans Lander my hero ok he isn't real and he isn't heroic but as he might put it, facts can be very misleading but dreams always reveal something meaningful if you know how to read them. So she has after our day out at the Museum left on my top bathroom washbasin a singing stone from a Hindu Temple. Now odd thing is I dreamt we have spoken telephonically before and I mention the whole singing stone thing but she doesn't remember until prompted. It's one of them singing stones like Indie Jones it only sings when it is in its temple in the sacred spot, anyway long story I am not able to confirm or deny or whereabouts. The stone is lost but aren't they always. That's not the main thing or it might be. In fact that part of the dream might be factual because I am certain under the certainty of heaven the second part of the dream isn't, which makes it meaningful only. So that involves sexual positions and a hidden birthmark. Now I won't claim to know what you are thinking. But yes in some ways a recurring dream but in others unique. And unique like genius is an overused rhetorical hyperbole and is so here meant. So briefly the woman insists on face to face conversation instead of the far more manly ahem, but it doesn't end there. She is soon to be married and she divorces her husband because he although she is amazing with the whole face to face conversation well he prefers the more unnatural embraces side of life. Now this isn't her story in terms of facts. But this is my dream.

Anyway offered her a trip to Bali, I have to go for a visa I don't think she will come. What do you have to do to get a nice gel to go with you on an all expenses paid holiday to a tropical island with no strings. I mean what. I mean. Anyway given that I am far better with dream time than reality and although only in theory could I fuck her over and yes I think that is the appropriate term what does outrage her modesty actually mean so what is the point in reassuring her that I will not fuck her over, is there ever any point to it, for whose benefit is the promise reassurance vow troth no my love my dove I will not fuck you over, anyway where was I in dream time. I found myself operating on her when I say I there was a bunch of nurses and docs who seemed to know what they were doing and I was just holding a scalpel. So her heart big oh did I mention she is stacked like a shetland pony but if you tell a woman that she feels insulted and what does that mean anyway possibly one of those image phantasmagoricals that are unique. Anyway it's striated, blunt force trauma causing striations. Bloody mess heart beaten to a pulp. So all I have to do is tell them to close. Which they finally do but only after much meditation. So I have left her to bed rest. I don't think there is any point trying to communicate with her unless of course she comes to Bali anyway I don't got no contact details for her and I think she is quite busy. And now is not the time for her. But if she waits for the right time it will have passed.

So I think what it means is I will return to Goa next Xmas. It's not that the other widows and divorcees are not plentiful even if none of them have taken to me, there is that, well neither has she, but I did have that dream. And Rule 47 no divorcees, well that was before the whole Colva bandh thing. Did I mention priests can rape steal and all sorts but they only get suspended and put on administrative leave if they question the immaculate conception or the authority of the pope. So screw Rule 47.

Anyway hope to get sorted with internet access this evening maybe. For now off to the main road to find a sweet shop. Then evening prayer at 7.30 then meal then meeting with Fr Jacob. So far so good.

Oh and of course if the Scooby gel had contacted John and spoken to me on first day of my Goan visit then obviously be far less but the whole just missed, it's the singing stone that is lost and can never be returned but we take as the impossible task, yes I know what is going on here, in that I know I have no idea what is going on here and very probably nothing at all.

Tally Ho!

Leech update

So I was a little rushed before but a nice thing about Colva beach is the leech that had burrowed deep and for a while I had thought just curled up and died in my ankle burrowed out and made its escape in the dunes. I was relieved. It might latch on to someone else or it might die in the salt but it's not in me any more. Not sure if this means I will think less on my tribbles. But meditation sessions are happening more frequently and longer. Two sessions today one hour then forty minutes. Well may not be superpsychicsupramental but definitely cruising in spiritual tourist mode. Rick the Healer is all set to transfer all the remainder of my mother's estate to my bank account. Only hitch for now is I don't know the account number but once that is sorted I hope over the next month or weeks then I should have my own money for a while. Then when I head back to England I'll be able to sort something out maybe invest some and send some to a current account from which I can reliably withdraw funds. I also have plans for one hundred dollar bill a fifty pound note and a hundred euro. Emergency papers acceptable in most lands for travel. Be of more worth than an OCI.

So where am I. I think I am heading to Kottayam. I shall awaken tomorrow sometime and by lunch be at SEERI. I might even be able to stay there for a few years though it gets complicated here. The main thing is if I have money I'll find somewhere. John the Just said not to antagonize Rick the Healer but I feel it's best to get the money sorted out now because there is no rush but if I plan to stay in Blighty for only a few weeks then it might turn into a rush.

There was talk of the pettiness of my brother, I think John the Just brought it up as it's last day and he is renovating. Something about Ivan challenging whether what was left in the house was really Mum's chattels, then his wife no 2 the Roumanian phoning say they didn't want any of the stuff as it was all rubbish and then finding out that my brother was cleaning the place out with his roumanian in-law. He prefers to say he cheated his little brother using his superior business acumen.

On that there is a CD of songs singing about the local priest in Colva who raised funds for a school and then bought a place for his mistress instead. The local Catholics are demanding the arrest of the person who reported the priest and caused scandal. I don't belong here with these people. Even John the Just's family who are really nice, friendly, fun and all. They aren't my family. He did suggest maybe you'll come back for next Christmas but I don't want to come back. I came here only because I had no where else to belong. Either I'll find somewhere to belong if only for a little while or I'll keep travelling. It was nice here and hospitable.

I think it's time to take what has not yet been stolen and for Desdichado to ride East at a steady place. I am in no hurry. Bali is the next pitstop, March 10 for two weeks then return to London for Annunciation. But we'll see what Jacob says at SEERI. So long as I don't give any more money to deserving holy priests and their wards and avoid the temptation of widows and orphan annie, ok this isn't going to be easy.

I think my mother should have prepared me better for life in the grown-up world even though I know I can no longer blame my mother especially since she has been dead now for two years, all the same. I really don't see how I am supposed to be anything but a screw-up I am just not prepared for life at all. But then again if you wait until you are ready it's too late.

So Kottayam for now. Downloads, Syriac then Bali and along the way Moksha or something via Meditation and Tai Chi. I think I'll give family a miss for a while. Well gotta be going getting a lift to the station which is always comforting. I shall write copiously once in Kottayam.

Xmas and burning the old man in Goa

So John the Just has a family. They can be nice. Loads of characters and sort of affectionate feuding, not the poisonous kind more of the scrooge and cruella deville but without any malice, we all need someone to joke about. Some really outstandingly beautiful grand nieces though I have given up on marriage to any of the widows in his family. I am looking for a more stupid woman.

I get the whole tourist thing. You gad about look at stuff and then eat really well in exotic places. It was nice having John the Just with he has now locked himself in his house, obviously by accident but the Lacanians among us will know he is probably coming to his limit in terms of entertaining the One so it's good I shall be heading off to Kottayam on Tuesday night. I am not saying I'll never return Xmas is nearly twelve months away so who knows.

Colva beach by night was night, ok I should mention Panaji and Bom Jesus and magick flowering crosses and St Francis Xavier but oops gotta go people the kid here wants to do something useful probably to do with his marriage wedding. Anyway I could ramble on but there'll be time in Kottayam inshallah and if not, tell them I was not unhappy at the end.