all gone

So they have exchanged contracts or are about to or something. I'll get some money. How much do I need. Well actually I did think about travelling around S E Asia. Seriously straight up. Obviously while pursuing the Syriac MA and preparatory courses. But it's not going to be that hard. Having an obsessive nature helps with dead languages, as I don't really have a language facility it's more a doggedness to the study of dead things. Thailand perhaps. Thing is what does one do when one travels.

It's a bit like the whole interweb surfing thing. I know there appears to be lots to be doing. Food might be nice. And strange meditation systems though I think maybe I'll digest the ones I know for now. Scenery is quite impressive. And of course the cultural misunderstandings and witnessing the evil of unmitigated poverty and the constant begging. And political unrest. Why do I want to travel again.

Well at least it means they won't have time to form a major dislike of me, though Jose says ah you just get a little passionate about ideas sometimes and perhaps if I could lighten up and accept vagueness and the indian style of holding opposites etc. I think travel might be easier.

So all set for Kandy. Plane then try out the ATM on arrival 20g should be enough for the visa and food and I still have a hundred dollar bill in reserve. Plan is arrive by bus take a rickshaw to the hotel. Next day start the visa thing. And then maybe phone Sir Joseph's relatives but not that keen on meeting strangers. Tooth temple then other temples, and whatever it has to offer but I quite like the idea of interwebbing pressing ahead with Syriac Texts, I hope to have finished Robinsons by then if only in outline. And start with Meiteilon. Don't appear to have too many letters that's always encouraging.

Oh yes and Pondicherry is again becoming attractive. Perhaps I could link it with the Lebanon where the medium of Syriac Studies is French, maybe a term at Holy Ghost in Lebanon or a few weeks to try it out then Pondicherry they have some guest houses for longer stays of up to six months. The mother's by the sea looks nice, next time I'll try the cottage guest house for a week. Always meant to try out the food there. And it's close to the Ashram complex I could see a few videos get the hang of the place.

I could always offer to teach Syriac at the Sri Aurobindo Educational place thing. Well glad got that out of the way. I don't like the idea of a house, you have to defend and protect it, in the end it owns you. But it's nice to have somewhere you can stay when life gets tough. If the money lasts then I am sure guest houses where I am known over the years will do.

Yes I am determined to marry Irom Sharmila C, if she maintains a correspondence with me and she doesn't die and we don't fall out, it seems a perfect solution, just not sure to what problem.

Aurobindo & Irom

What I hadn't realized is I know just a few sides of Aurobindo. Aurobindoesque means vague ish. There was a full blown occult dion fortune escapade side to the pair (him and the mother). She would travel astrally and foil Hitler's plans (got him to invade Russia by masquerading as the Lord of the Nations who was advising him) she never explains though after getting Adolf to agree to invade she meets the Lord of the Nations on the way out and he knows she has done this and he gets annoyed as you would messing with his protege like that, but he doesn't tell Adolf to ignore what he just said to him and maybe invade England or don't bomb the cities continue with the destruction of airfields and with the RAF out of the way the invasion will be a lot easier, he just says well I am going to make things really bad for you forces of good even though I know I must fail, well that's sort of good to know, the bad guys know they are going to lose, except they seem a bit spiteful and petty with it, in that case they just plan on pissing in the soup and taking bites out of our specially made french toast before dropping them into our laps because for now it's their breakfast. Well that's hardly very civilized.

So I have google alerts on Irom. Not sure how helpful they are. Was informed yesterday that she appeared before the deputy chief magistrate of Imphal and was remanded for a further 15 days in custody. Sorry what is that about, she has been on remand I guess for 9 years. I am sure for technical reasons you can't say we are going to lock you up indefinitely on spurious charges but does it really make it legal if you do it for 15 days and other determinate periods, periods to run consecutively. They think they are behaving legally.

That really used to piss me off about Canon Law. If we are going to lock her up, then what we do is we take the habeas corpus, human rights stuff and we lock that up first and say it doesn't apply. Then we can do what we like and it's so much simpler. Same with the double effect. Now I can see it makes sense but there comes a point when people start taking the piss. They are no longer trying to end the pain or provide ease or support, they are no longer seeking a long term cure. And then I say stop writhing around tying yourself up in silly knots and worrying about this precedent and that, you want this guy dead, give me the gun and one bullet. I'll sort it for you.

I grow fonder of Aurobindo. It's not going to be easy. We don't really want to be supramentalized. I am pretty sure what I really want are sweets that do not give me indigestion and a companion who loves me, I think the right kind of dog would work for me, something with the irrestible beauty of a cocker spaniel, the don't mess with us mien of a Wolf and the size of not an elephant maybe I dunno nothing too big maybe 60 lbs, and something reasonably intelligent. Or a woman but I've never really had much luck with women though the dog I kept she was the best companion I had ever known.

Anyway I posted her three more books. I sometimes worry perhaps I am spoiling her by sending her books. Oh also heard she turned down the latest award she was offered, what would she do with money she has said she wants AF(SP)A repealed. So I figure not sure I could ever spoil this one. My favourite postie was on dooty at the po. 302 rupees now that's a proper price for a registered parcel. He keeps suggesting speed post it would still get signed. But 302 is good. I had exact change.

Oh yeah had to mention gave me a giggle apparently outside the magistrates in response to questions from the press she said all the politicians do is get elected and then make loads of money no wonder they keep locking her up. There is something about the whole John the Baptist thing mind, even if you are a politician you lock her up and then come visit because you are fascinated by her.

Oh yeah and we are in the week of weeks of Annunciation so no chicken or fish. We have a week of such seasons making a liturgical year. Bit like heroin users taking a heroin holiday so they can get a better high for xmas.

updates

to summarize No to OCI and Malayalam maybe for pigeons leaving and yes to some others.

The pigeon chicks look more like adolescent pigeons now barely had time to name them queequeg and yojo if I they fly by next weekend I'll be able to take down my suitcase (well John's) and clean it up before I return on 22. I have an afternoon twain journey so I'll be pushed for time if I have to do all the packing on that day. Trick is not to have too much to pack.

Jesse was broken, she emailed me today wishing me good morning and suggesting I found someone else to assist with the OCI as she found the on-line process too daunting. Main problem is I don't have a birth certificate and although it might be a simple problem to overcome I believe God doesn't want me to do this, either that or some asuric entity either way they seem quite keen for me not to take it. I saw an alternative ending to the first star wars (episode IV) the rebel base is on the moon on the dark side of the planet the death star will be in range in 30 minutes.

Admiral: I say we are in range now. Destroy the planet.

Oh now the rebel moon is within firing range. Fire

Cut to the Meridien Falcon, I know Chewbacker I was this close to changing my mind and going back to help those kids.

But I plan to do some more of St Matthew Syriac to English with copious notes and I have been reading more about Sri Aurobindo definitely and occult pair.

The Malayalam teacher gave up headaches, toothache you name it. But he plans to show up one more time with some kind of DVD for me to learn the letters or something. I am far better off with dead languages.

Had to explain to one of the good fathers over tiffin when I said I was spending my time viewing internet films, he thought i meant pornography, now I didn't know him well enough to discuss my pornographic tastes but I have an average white mcbook cpu the size of a small planet I almost began trying to explain the lure of 9 min hd low budget high on writing skill and talent quirky internet films but I figured I wouldn't have been able to explain a series like the Guild to him. So he moves on I have heard or he could have said a friend of mine says, that there are mainly sexy films on the internet which we don't allow in India but of course you foreigners. And I riposted with well if I wanted a decent porn film for the purposes of masturbation now with my high powered notebook I'd invest in a digital HD camera and make my own because I wouldn't be going for R certification with the Indian Board of Censors hence I really don't care what the State approves of and given the state of poverty here and so he gradually beat a retreat had to go off and get his washing done. Damn it all he was beginning to sound like honourable sister-in-law no 2, she took an inordinate interest in other people's pornographic stashes always on the hunt for spyware software that could work out a man's stash, her interest in her brother's stash while slightly incestuous was their business, but as with this priest who had begun his tiffin talk to me on how some people attend confession only once a year at Xmas or Easter, well very rum.

Now if he had asked me the question in Latin using the third person beginning Habet Is etc etc well then I should have taken the matter with the gravity that the medium required.

But tempting as becoming another local porn raja in the imagination of my heart I think I am getting a little too old for that, in fact take a supramental note for the next incarnation, the time to sow wild oats as I was often told by a spiritual elder is when you are young, there is no point reminiscing and wishing you had when you are older and generally people tend to reminisce and wish they had sown more wild oats rather than purer celibacy unless they find Miss Right or some guys turn up at your door calling you their baby daddy and you have to explain with some embarrassment even if the DNA was conclusive I couldn't get them OCI based on a fourth generation claim and I was having problems getting it for meself not that anyone has, and even then I am more creepy old man who promises starlets a break as an item dancer, with my revolutionary fusion choreography set to explode on the internet the 9 minute 10MB limit was made for item dance routines and with my knowledge of the values of classical ballet, strictly come ballroom dancing and the X factor, if only Syriac sentences didn't take up so much of my time and reviewing the quirky film series already on line. Though for aesthetic and not pc reasons I would pick a really thin looking sun burnt south Indian pure smooth dark chocolate, I am sure if I wanted to put them into modelling on the catwalk it wouldn't fly but for a sensual item dance number, you see it's not politically correct garbage about providing role models for the Song of Solomon's I am black and I am beautiful prophecy it's the aesthetics of sensuality and the item number. I am a professional who refuses to compromise on my values.

It seems the smallest package I can get for Chura (Bombay Mix) or hot chips as they prefer here is 1/2 Kg but that's gonna last me the week. I feel like something sweet but I am definitely full. What I really need is some tobacco pan and a hubble bubble water pipe but I am sure there is something in the regulations about it. I am too full to go shopping for pure ghee sweets plus I think they give me a jippy tummy. And with the pigeons even the fan during the day doesn't quite cut the moutard.

The Guild

So I watched the entire series two of the Guild, an internet series on being a guild member of a MMORPG, they are putting series three out on dvd because they want to earn money now but I think they may have peaked with series two. Money will kill it, but if you tell the creator actor peope that they'll get upset. Well last episode to go then I shall have seen the entire series. You see you do need the future perfect once in a while.

Films

In the absence of a film companion I have taken to internet productions. They take forever to load by I have time can do Syriac sentences or me washing or meditate. Riese which appears to be some kind of cyberpunk sci fantasy something to do with Norse mythology too and she has a wolf. Ten minute episodes I can wait for the next one. And Gollum the missing days which was rather well done, if they could have got sir and vigo it would have been amazing and the pop singer's daughter oh and the elf but still damn fine production and only cost $5000 to make I wonder what they spend the other 150 million on because if they can do that with 5000 maybe they should think about ending leprosy just a suggestion because it's a rather good film. In the process of viewing spiderwoman the comic adventure free for a while, free sounds good. And I hope to rope in someone in Goa to see Avatar I saw the trailer looks like standard sci-fi blockbuster what Xmas was made for plus overeating and sweets, maybe even something alcholic to drench the pastries in or the equivalent they have these milk based cake type sweets yep haven't had some for a while you can tell trying to let my body know who the boss is around here. Or at least put in an appearance though now I know what the local SI of police feels like. Them Watchowski boys have done a film with a korean song singer but that's more for back home maybe I'll get it on video one day. Plan is to finish Ch 23 of Robinsons tonite and press ahead tomorrow because its Sunday and if you aren't in the mood for Syriac Sentences they can go quite slowly but they offer the same advice if you have a stitch (on cross country running) or find yourself journeying through hell, keep moving.

Clay Idols

I don't think I am overly concerned but I have read now two counter-comments on Irom Sharmila C. In many ways standard stuff if you search around the interweb or a pub main drinking area the wisdom of the group would eventually throw up such. One version from songs of innocence and experience (jewish lawyer type) is she not a creation of the Indian state just as the terrorist/insurgents. Another more overtly states she will never attack the insurgents because they are the ones protecting her, she is like the soft wing of insurgency. At the same time supporting her cause because how unpopular can you be in polemic.

Sri Aurobindo and Levinas obviously put the matter more eloquently and at deeper levels. On splitting and repression projection rather too simplistic and superficial a model but worth acknowledging. It is possible that the siddhis are seductive, that the 9 year indefinite fast for prolonged periods in solitary with the petty taunts and punishments of the State at its worst has blinded me to her failings. Just like few dare to criticize baby jesus for never learning how to swim.

Aurobindo argued that all this non-violence does is strenghthen the vital body (the one immediately more rarefied than the physical the Astral body of light) so that when you do decide to take revenge you are far more powerful than your oppressors. Levinas speaks of the initial violence in intimacy or caring.

Both believe that there is another way turning things around. Instead of seeing this as duty or even bounden duty through love you recognize the other, as a more intimate self. This requires the incarnation of the supramental being so that it is no longer I but Thee. It would be perhaps a little disappointing if she were just an exceptional guru with amazing siddhis but then if I was happy putting her on a pedestal there is no need to sorrow if I needs must knock her off.

I am with Paschal on this. Let these fools wager on the Lose Lose. I am putting regular books, prayers and hope faith and love in her being another prophet of our certain evolution. And it is a good sign that decent thoughtful people of the children of light are attacking her if only with barbed compliments. There is nothing more spiteful or jealous than a childe of the light who fears losing some of the limelight. And if she wanted to be spiteful or jealous in her turn I would kiss her full on the lips, and if not I'd continue to admire her from afar. Win Win.

It may not take that much to please me yet I am pleased

I have now entered the cosmic supernal light side of the interweb not known to Googol and Yahooh and their confederates. All I had to do well after doing all the other things, was to paste special or its equivalent then it seems to display ok unless you need to have the fonts installed first. But on the invisibility thing. I mispelt Sharmila as Sharmlia when searching and found five up to date sites with postings on November. She is looking quite frail.

So having made my debue in the most glorious supernal interweb unvisited by search engines I think I'll revert to Syriac sentences from Robinsons. Still have 9 chapters to go and about ten days before Lanka. Nearly finished Galileo's daughter which is really a good read. Not really about church and science but yes about people and politics and daughters things close to my heart. Ah but there are many versions. I did like reading the transcript of the trial. Classic Canon Lawyer style they ask questions in Latin in the third person. When did he come to Rome and How did he come. And Galileo's replies in Italian. I came on such and such a day and I was brought on a litter.

Did he come of his own volition or was he summoned and if he was summoned why was he summoned. I was summoned by the Holy Office I believe since publication of my book was simultaneously banned by the Holy Office that...

Plus ca change when I think of Irom Sharmila though this time we have changed roles, I still hope I wasn't one of the inquisitors but as creepy and evil as they are I can't help admiring their canonical style. So the battery says anything from 9 to 5 hours when I check but since I charge in once a day and leave her switched on all day sometimes sleeping then it's also 24 hours. Managed to work the lock on the door now a few priests have shown an interest in the average white mcbook so now they probably all know I have the most beautiful computer in all of DVK. I'll not be leaving them with any largesse though the two kids who work in the Cafeteria Manju and Satya, satya means truth and Manju is possibly a tamil word for something beautiful, well cute as buttons even if Satya is a bit of a brat. They look about 12 though they are probably 15,000 years old and belong to an esoteric Shaiva cult.

If there is a 3D puzzle of the Taj Mahal at Landmark when I return for the Meerabai I'll send it to her as well if only for her to pass on. Best have a stab at a meditation now before tiffin. Oh and I got in touch with that font place already had the fonts but still can't see nothing. Though I sent them an email asking about the different dialects of aramaic because nothing much in search engines and i gotta reply saying one of their translators would get back to me, americans can be quite polite and helpful now. Damn fine stuff on this interweb. I am looking forward to some travels. I remember when travelling last looking forward to coming back. Impermanency eh.

A new beginning

I have finally begun my paulum opus or is it parvum it was meant to be begun in part response to the dark nefarious interweb as described by the Manchester Guardian which cannot be penetrated by Googol and its search engines and is constantly expanding like a series of black holes, in which case this would have been a supernova had it not turned into a damp squib. The Syriac Gospel of Mati with copious notes. It's available on request in OpenOffice format or pdf files but so far I have only managed the first line. No rush. Anyway must mosey on I think I have found a Syriac devotional site that is offering a free download of a Serto font. I go not lustfully but soberly, lovingly thoughtfully yeah yeah well it'll be fun for a while. Oh and I tracked down Meerabai the graphical novel only 25 rupees they say it will be in by Wednesday. And I am pretty sure the major superior said he'd get back to me in December that's next week about how to resolve Manjulah's missing money and orthosis treatment.

So where is initial kaph

I now have four keyboards up two look exactly the same but none of them seem to offer initial kaph. But I am sure if I ask anyone then the next time I look initial kaph will be there. I think maybe I should return to sentences for a while and general reading. Oh and a meditation that always helps if only by stopping me from trying to be helpful.

Where did you put my socks

So I sounded the conch of the Lord KRSN and if you ever saw Valkyrie all the troops are assembled ready for action, and then they get the report, sorry about that looks like a false alarm. So yeah now I can use the Open Office or Neo Office but the thing is now each time I look up on the menu bar of the Office document I can clearly see two P signs one with an arrow to the left and one to the right for text flow. I think I shall try and figure out where all the letters are and then how to put vowel points. I think things are far easier to find if you deliberately try to hide them, if you try and put them helpfully in places where you think I will look first I will never find them for why would anyone look in the obvious places first if you were looking for something.

For a neo ironic deconstructed geek

So I eventually downloaded a rather nice WP, I tried mentioning the delights of open source software to the Liberation Theologian (his name is Roy) no wonder he prefers Arputham, but he warned me of the dangers of free software in this juga of kali, perhaps they are using you to develop their own versions of things, yes sometimes I wonder about liberation theologians sometimes you may want to be used hmm, and perhaps they have spyware that will download your debit card details to pirates, well if they can get the thing to work good luck to them, those fiends at Microsoft have created firewalls no meme or virus can penetrate. But not even a Liberation Theologian gets sacked for buying Microsoft.

It looks great if I actually needed to type an essay or anything formal I might even purchase some kind of printer for it. Downloading that was pretty straightforward. I figured out you have to drag the icon once installed to your applications folder. Basically it shows you a picture of an icon being dragged into the applications folder and after about a day instead of reloading from the download directory I figured it out.

Next problem is Syriac font. The mac maybe zuper zexy but there is something quite endearing about snow leopard that mythic hunter of the himalayas so spiritually advanced she has evolved to change her spots, not being able to recognize the new Syriac fonts because they have an otf extension instead of a ttf extension. Brain the size of a planet but it needs me to manually change the extensions which after some flawed attempts I succeeded, are you sure sir, wouldn't you rather but i must warn you sir changing the extensions yeah yeah trust me I am a Syriac Scholar. Then I had to download a Syriac Keyboard layout and icon for the keyboard layout folder. Maybe it's obvious but the geezer prof portsomething who made up the keyboard very kind of you sir, neglects to mention that you then have to activate the dual keyboard option in the I forgot the menu but luckily it's a mac you ask it it tells you, you need to activate the keyboard function and then it says would you like me to do that for you and I thinks for a second and I says if it's not too much trouble. So now I have a fully functioning keyboard that can type Syriac ܣܐܬ but there is the problem. I can type the letters various fonts, Serto, Estrangela and East Syriac, and if the software supports CTL well then it's a simple matter of getting the writing direction changed from left to right to right to left. Does Blogger support CTL. I dunno once I leave the safety of the Average White MacBook, and I am not just saying this because I find myself chief spokesperson, head Roadie and Impresario Manager of the AWMcB while on our South Asian Tour, it's just that there is no point asking Blogger do you support CTL because it won't even respond what's CTL let alone certainly sir to activate enter the widget in the dubree section and would you like me to do that for you now sir, well if it's not too much trouble, certainly sir why don't you go get some tea and some tiffin and it will all be set on your return. So I may have to purchase Mellel a shareware from some nice jewish gentlemen originally meant for Hebrew but since the Arabs are such a stingy lot its now the main programme for academics in Oriental Languages.

Then we come across the problem of the Maestro card. The really nice thing about it is it won't let me buy on a whim. I can get cash out of an ATM usually well eventually but I have to think about purchases on line which is no bad thing. Anyway I get a 30 day free download version. So that should keep me busy until the new year. I have emailed them about a simple way to pay but they'll probably suggest a small man handcuffed to a small suitcase which in the east is probably your cheapest option after plastic.

Pressing ahead with Galileo's daughter, frankly all this faffing is rather tiring I may just head down to Landmark and see if they'll let me have just the graphical novel of Meerabai as I don't want the 49 others it comes with and if they say no I shall save my money, plus I get a walk out of it.

Oh and now the battery life says its 8 hours. Yeah British Rail time. It's long enough either way.

Geek purgatorio

Not quite heaven but getting there. Really just wanted Open Office from Sun Systems. Main attraction is it isn't completely compatible with Microsoft Office. I am Syriac Scholar a serious Scholar of Syriac why would I want my work compatible with Microsoft. I hope they don't force me to eat my words when the only available support software is run by Microsoft. That's the problem with the mighty asuras. And maybe I could have waited for January when the 3.2 version is out and will have ironed out any java problems with Snow leopard but really that is missing the fun on the nights before Xmas when nothing stirred in the house. But when I tried downloading with Safari got a strange error message half way through so I downloaded Firefox. Firefox meet Snow Leopard. Haven't really got much further than that but I assume it will be complete (the download by this evening). Had one power outage Battery life is 5 hours. Now I know if I had paid double the amount and gone for the powernotebook 17 incher it would have come with an extra 2 hours of battery life. But this is where Vipassana and Holy Poverty collide, I don't really need the extra two hours. That's why they give you a battery charger. So I could stare at the download time it's a bit like British Rail time it's been saying one hour and 32 mins for most of the post. I think I'll pass though. Once I get the former Sun System Open Office I shall have gwown up software to play with but how much can a wp have changed since the 90s. Who needs LOTRO. The Geek is back in town.

Manipur

I dunno one of the Egyptians I quite like the smooth easy dancer starts a conversation on just war over brekkie, now how is that going to be non-controversial. Ended up with my shouting at the bloody Syro-Malankaran priest yeah I should have learnt their names so, now he is telling me there are no problems in the north east or all countries have their problems. He has never heard of the AF(SP)A, India has a free media if there was any problem in the north east then he would have heard about it. I am sorry I had to shout. The real problem is that the Syro-Malankaran Church doesn't exist and I therefore never had that conversation.

I decided to get books I wouldn't mind reading so I got Godiva, by Nerys who died while it was being published first novel. Not that great a first novel, maybe Bro Cadfael level of literature but in the epilogue she argues that perhaps the legend of the humiliation of a woman was an allegory for the humiliation of a culture and people by invading colonial powers. Had a theory that women had real power and independence in Anglo-Saxon tribal society destroyed by Norman urbanization. Godiva is said to be blood related to Robin Hood and Hereward. Because of the protest of the Meira Paibi I got the book, but it also fits the charge of the light brigade and all the noble magnificent futile gestures that put the Brit into Britain.

So maybe development is one asuric force and totalitarianism now Fundamentalism are the counter-revolutionary forces. The mahatma is a future. Not because we can all be saints but because we know and approve of sainthood, The mahatma offers a path for the suicide of our egos with honour. The ego will die if it loves life as much as it claims it will allow life to continue and to evolve. If not it will take everything down with it. So I'll give her my Burrgraeve she wanted logic, I'll give her logic. She might even understand it and disagree.

I can't help becoming isolated. The guy starts telling me oh its easy to criticize my country. I didn't swear but how can anyone who loves his country sit back and pretend he does not know what is going on. Oscar Wilde helped me though. I asked him if he would die for Manipur he said yes of course. No man dies for what he truly believes in, he dies for things he fears in the secret terror of his heart are false, dying for belief is the final desperate act of one who knows he is a liar. Though I think Oscar put it more beautifully. Well he was a poof. I don't think I would have fitted in as an outcast poof either mind.

So now to read Gallileo's daughter, oddly it's a book I always wanted to read (had i known etc). Just between you me and the internet though strictly should that now be among or can I stick with between there are at least two theories on that one, I feel although Sharmila C. is a Mahatma Brahmacharya (selfless celibate) that one day perhaps we could get married, I am just writing loudly here, so first she'd have to get some health back, I dunno maybe six months, gradually get her weight and physical health sorted, rest up somewhere she'd probably need to stay in manipur so it's more a question of getting therapists to her. And just because she belongs to the world and has a quest to help human evolution for the entire planet I thought maybe one day we might have a daughter oops no imagination didn't quite snap it just began to fade away and lose heart so where yep I'll start reading Gallileo's daughter, the beauty of not knowing anything I think she became a nun and did the penance that he was supposed to do, something like a sin-eater. They had a long correspondence. She was very bright, pity she was a gel and everything, otherwise might have had the nuclear bomb a lot sooner or time machines or whatever she would have. Instead she loved her dad. That's the thing I want a daughter who actually loves me ok so she gets her heart broken by some dumbass visiting marine what did you see in him but I won't tell her that, but loves me I don't mind getting annoyed with me but not trying to rob me or sell me out to some dacoits and have me killed for a few bob, gel if you want anything just take it you don't have to ask. And if she takes after her mother.

A lot of people think they are one-offs, but this one is anomalous. I must resist the temptation of murdering her, of trying to make her knowable and understandable of negating her. Just a matter of staying with the discomfort. Though I find trying to meditate regularly difficult enough. Trick seems to be not to keep compromising. The more I give in the more lax it gets. How did she just say I have a bounden duty touch mother's foot and then not take food or water again for 9 years.

60 high powered injuns around me and they all know about the church in Ernakulam with the statue of our lady rosa mystica that leaks healing honey, but only a few know of Irom Sharmila Chanu and most of them think I have made her up.

But good news is they have lessened restrictions. Foreigners wishing to travel to Manipur now need go only in groups of 2 or more so I just need to take one person with, be accompanied by a registered travel agent and may stay for up to 30 days. I think that means I apply for the permit for 30 days find a friend to travel with, then apply to the prison and home affairs department for a prison visit and badaboom badabing I gets to see her.

Nothing kills off a marriage child phantasy better than a face to face meeting. Oh so you're Irom Sharmila Chanu I thought you'd be taller. It would feel really odd if she were to die soon because it never happens that way in a decent film.

The Eagle has landed

I am writing to you from my woom with my snow leopard at my side. Sri Aurobindo was right about it being part of the european asuric forces, the thing with the asuras damn fine mighty warriors pretty good to know I have one on my side. Orf to dinner. Only now do I discover the key to my room doesn't actually work. Oh I am turning into Silas Marner. Anyway at least I got to type one blog thing before lunch. Apres lunch le tiffin.

Superstition aside

Basic vanila newbie M101 Spiritual Direction first day they tells ya. Don't look for signs, don't ask for signs, forget all the stuff you heard about signs. You will end up infantilizing and not developing. Signs are always seen on the inside. Bit like the true face has no features.

And never follow anything with But follow it with And we are Caflicks. But what if you really mean But.

So after swearing my expert to the pledge of Odysseus and the Sirens, I will on-line lotro no more forever. And having made my aspiration to try out the Maestro for the entire amount of the notebook I meet Fr Jose for evening prayer (not enough time to check email beforehand but he had sent one) he hands over loads of dosh. I have sufficient in reserve with him for DVK accommodation till Xmas, and SEERI at least for a few months. And about 31k rupees and 100 USD. All I have to do now is persuade the little machine to take the rest of the Maestro (and on a good day I could almost get that all from an ATM in one go) and I should leave a rocknrolling manager, roadie and impressario of the new average white mac notebook, I am Macnotebook of the clan macnotebook we have walked secretly among you and I have come for ya quickening.

All the Universe wanted it would appear is my assurance that I should not spend hours of my time tapping the keyboard frenetically pretending to form guilds and fellowships with like minded adventurers? growing in stature daily with gods and men, it would be more honest to kick back just short of the Himalayas and smoke dope for a few years. And I would have far more fun spending the subs on a quirky soft porn site, but I don't think she would approve and she would know even if she doesn't. Being an overromantic unworldy obsessive is just like being married, and also nothing like being married.

The other thing I noticed is it should be fairly easy to get OCI but if I had got it I would just have stayed in India if only in cheap hotels where they supplied broadband. I feel also the Universe is pressing me not to take OCI for now.

And you may mock or not but standard M102 theory states that if you feel depressed withdrawn do not pass go do not receive 200 pounds go directly to but if you feel at peace outward looking liberated, well then the discernment is to be trusted. I know it's not rocket science, if anyone says it's secret knowledge too dangerous for newbies you should extend to them unlimited compassion for one who has not yet completed their journey.

So apparently last month was Ningol she might get the parcel she might not but this next parcel must be for Xmas. This is the thing. I really am into Sri Aurobindo. Because he held to sprituality in politics in the world. Like Gandhi-ji only more spiritual. Plus he seemed to withdraw from politics and meditated in Pondichery.

She is in chrysallis. She has changed the universe. I am not exaggerating. The siddhis are impressive but usually you say oh so you can stay underwater for nine hours on one breath and you haven't eaten anything for five years and you can sleep on a bed of burning charcoal, truly amazing and how does this help climate control again. But with her it's lived selflessness. She lives a simple life. Redirects financial awards because her family too don't want things. Aurobindo called Industrialization European Asuric energy. India could adopt it but it would bring with it all its evils. She was taught by her granny not to take more than she needed of anything. Even the books once she has read them either get passed onto friends or end up in Manipur State Library. So it doesn't matter if she writes books or not. It's the spaces between the words. The ruby silences.

That's it. She has found the answer. I am pretty sure if I could meditate past the hour instead of quitting every half to three quarters but the thing is I do stay still for those times. That's the first step. Eventually God takes an interest.

This is the thing with superstition and Skinner. He feeds a pigeon corn at random intervals. The pigeon starts doing a weird dance repetitively because Skinner states it believes that there is an external God force that is giving it food and the dance is the way of attracting the God's attention. The pigeon was half right. It just never found a way to attract the God force's attention because it assumed the dance was working. Bit like happy feet. So I am a pigeon and she is a penguin. Well we both begin with the letter P and various other compatibilities.

Yes this is the thing. Manmohan has promised again to revise the AF(SP)A it's before cabinet now for review. Now I figure he can't say after fifty years they made a mistake. So they will never repeal it. But if they took all the special powers out so that all that was left was the name. Would that be enough. But I don't have to worry it isn't Manmohan or me who will tell her. It is God. Not in the superstitious way or maybe in the superstitious way.

The impossible part will soon end. Then comes the difficult part. There is one almight mess in the north east. Abject poverty, drugs, violence, gangs, militia, and half a century of dehumanizing. As Orson Welles put it all Switzerland ever produced was the cuckoo clock and chocolates.

If I am going to waste my time it will be in advancing as a Syriac Scholar and sending this one books. Oh for this month I was going for 100 years of solitude (because I always meant to read that one) one on Indira (because she is also known as the Iron Woman of India) and then an Asterix and Obelix (why not) and I'll ask Landmark if they'll let me have just the cartoon (I mean graphical novel) book on Meera Bhai if they say no say oh ok. (Don't want all 50 cartoons gns). And maybe the book by Burrgraeve I don't like carrying books and she might like it. She lives the book mind. Hey if she can actually write about the stuff and not just live it, this will be a find, just like that M Night Indian person the Naiad the elemental in the swimming pool I really liked it it was a fairy tale for children who can't grow up, I liked it ah if people don't like it more for me eh.

So a few more Syriac sentences. Then maybe a meditation. Tea and off to Imagination for the NAMcWB. I am content outwith being deliriously happy, which might have something to do with Vipassanic truth or well we only really know if the thing blows when charging or I forget it at a cafe in Kandy and insurance doesn't cover you for stupidity sir no.

We are a Decidor

So decided to try the Maestro on Imagination see if I can walk away with lead singer, and not sure whether drums or some kind of guitarist but might do that tubular bells things yep basically all the parts and backing vocals like Hey Ya. Anyway once I have a white book it's gonna take days probably just to learn how to open the thing. You probably have to stroke the spine like a Harry Potter thing. And there is some strange ritual you have to do every month involving draining the battery and then recharging to full. Sounds a bit like hard disk defragmentation. And I must learn to take it places and try not to lose it. But how could a man forget to take his average white mac book it's not an umbrella. And to avoid sounding smug about anything because the universe and god is always listening. It's raining here too. A monsoon just kicked off I could here it and I lost now the fourth umbrella I purchased. I was going to get another one for Kandy anyway.

Oh yeah I am pretty sure the last parcel to Sharmila Chanu wasn't sent registered. In fact in may not have been sent. Man was well dodgey and the cost is far too low compared with the other receipts. But I have realized it doesn't matter. I am certain that there are things in life which do matter otherwise why live. But I am also certain the contingencies in themselves are not the matterable.

But I must also think of something for Xmas to send her. Something light oh I'll run a check on iron women maidens there was a pop group but was there never an iconic figure apart from Lady Thatcher but who knows maybe she'll like the iron lady of england. Toodlepip. I feel refreshed now, the end is in sight or as some prefer, the beginning.

more on chocolate wars

Now one doesn't wish to complain to Indian Mail Service employees but your man charged me over 600 rupees to send a couple of books to Ollie and Vinnie because he really didn't have stamps to send them by ordinary mail ok, but then he charges me a paltry 52 rupees to send the registered delivery to Irom and he did mention packaging looks dodgey mate I doubt it will make it you won't complain will you and I had said foolishly of course not.

So to avoid fretting, for what is meant to happen heppens and what is not meant to happen, duss not heppen.

Who knew Nestles only took over Cadburys in one of the parallel universes I flit to on occasion. In this universe unless I have flitted again, they may be planning to purchase Cadbury's but using Hershey's as a cover because of anti-trust laws. Then the knowledgeable person says they will concentrate on the chewing gum empire and give Hersheys all the chocolate, no no no no nOOOOO NOOOOO.

That would be far too confusing. What am I supposed to like Hershey's kisses now. Is it ok to eat them is it no longer disloyal because maybe they will be using Galaxy anyway. This must be how disgruntled tribals feel when the new missionary says yep dress in the old ways it's no longer considered obscene, bring in the statues of the old gods they aren't devils merely the Holy Spirit working with your ancestors in diverse ways, and calling me Margory. Except chocolate working on a bodily stomach level well the betrayal is far deeper.

And I am beginning to get more and more irritated with the priests I don't know very well asking me about my plans when must I leave their country will I not get another visa. For God's sake I am British, I am practically and for all intents and purposes a white person, if I want a visa I shall get one, if I get a better offer to tour round Indonesia for a few years with a local princess lady boy who wants me to invest in his/her new dragon boat bi'ness well I might consider that too, but I am not being thrown out of this godforsaken ok no need to overreact. But for God's sake. I am the one with the attractive passport still, the empire hasn't completely crumbled, it's not like it's a passport for the Ottoman Empire, or Xerxes the Iraqi. This one has gotta be good until the end of the Mayan Calendar and Yahoo suggests Thailand is a good spot for the immediate if you are interested in playing the currency game. I would but I don't understand the wooools.

When at a loose end do not tug

So I emailed Fr Jose, no more news about the readies. I suggested if there was going to be a long delay my trying the Maestro at the Imagination shop and either they give me a macwhitebook or they don't. But I'll try catch him for evening prayer and maybe do something tomorrow or I could put off procrastinating for another day.

My Malayalam tutor didn't show. I tried explaining to him that perhaps we should meet in the cafeteria so I could take breakfast. But he kept saying oh no he will take breakfast first. Well until or unless my Malayalam is good enough to say that in Malayalam. I can say I have taken breakfast. But not why don't we meet at the cafeteria so that I can take breakfast in case you are late or don't show up. But that's quite a complicated construction and I have a box of pure ghee lados in reserve always for emergencies.

Now I have taken a look at Meiteilon the script. There is no way I am going to learn a living language apart from French which I think I speak just damn well enough already damn snobby french. I think I need a macwhitebook to distract me from well in my limited experience a new woman, with a romantic exotic mystery well they are like a black hole appearing on the computer forward screen. You don't say oh a black hole launch a level 5 probe. You say red alert Scottie give me warp drive now, make the hyperdrive leap get us the hell out of here. Why didn't someone warn me we were approaching the inescapable gravity field of a an exotic romantic mysterious woman.

Thank God for Syriac and average white mac books is all, and as for Syriac no point congratulating yourself that you can write irom sharmila chanu in Estrangela, I went for Marti as a translation for Chanu. The thing about translation it's only the twisted metal of a train wreck if you try to be too cautious and too literal. So she'd be Marti which would work well for her american tour, so Marti what's it like for you travelling in a free country for the first time in your life. Though I am not sure how to get into the whole american high fee paying lecture and after dinner speaking events, not sure if she'd be that into making money so in that we are good match.

But I have to gently remind myself from time to time the Meiteilon script is no more attractive (or less) than say estrangela or devanagari, it only looks beautful to you because. Just a gentle reminder now think what you can do with a brand new average white mac book, log onto Lotro and then two toons one a spear hurling mendicant the other a rune casting avaricious psycho. That's better Desie focus and do some more Syriac sentences Grammar doesn't get learnt on its own it's not like agriculture, you have to work at it.

Later when I have something to say or just to write randomly at a spare moment to let you know I still live.

The Alchemist

It was quite fun. A bit disney or Lloyd Webber. But it's not been a good script for me, I really need a playwright to tell me not to follow my dreams, to settle as the wise amurkans put it, and definitely not to go chasing after any more women of the desert or looking into their eyes or hearing their voice carried by the scirocco or brought more forcefully by the monsoons. Oops too late.

Oh the Dharmaram version of a man for all seasons, apparently not as good as previous years offerings. It had a decent dance number. One good song. But no fight scene which for me let it down very badly and if you call that attempt at killing Sir Thomas Moore while he was waging war against the Scots (definitely said Edinburgh several times though the map seemed more of a splodge) well he was killed off very quickly by Sir Thomas' bodyguard before he achieved final victory (a sort of anti-braveheart) well that wasn't good enough. I liked the special effects of the spider and butterfly in the lightening storm at the beginning and the psychedelic serpent (no flash photography at these times appreciated) but they also missed an opportunity when Madge (one of his daughters) returned King Henry his ring for when she sang for him (the big pata pata number) because they could have had his drunken troops throw glass bottles on the floor and said he will live as long as you dance and what a fine Item dance number that would have been if a little derivative of Sholay (like that's a bad thing). And yet they still seemed to get the message across of defending the Roman Church against increasing secularism.

Irom Sharmila Chanu

T'was a slow day and then I got my first letter from Irom Sharmila Chanu. At times like this I am grateful for the Vipassana even if it don't work. She is surprisingly normal. Bit taken aback. Thanked me for the books especially liked I Phoolan Devi, a bit of normalcy in the otherwise madness of it all can't remember her words but am holding on to the letter it could become an historical document, actually I think it already is.

Then she asks me all kind of polite and humble, women eh, not just to sympathize but to criticize and could I tell her why the Western Military interventionist model paramilitaries sent to smaller states was at all going to make the world a better place, ok she put it almost in a way that might have been a trap but still with the you cannot be serious leading question style, a challenge is a challenge is it not. But I didn't let it divert me, she asked for a long detailed and logical letter, well two out of three as Meatloaf sang it ain't bad. I managed to slip in that I have a friend who would publish a book on her yoga and if she digressed into her views of anti-development social yoga it would be post-modernist style so but not sure if she'll buy it. I think she is more into shamanry or what her defence team call spirituality.

Anyway gave me a reason to meditate again. Oh I did sort of go for a stab at Cossovo and World War II but I felt it wise to surrender on all other western interventions. Real thing would be to find out her ideas. Truly great humble and wise people always ask questions and are good listeners. Savitri comes to mind, I looked into her eyes and saw the God we are to become. Her English looks good enough, I hope she lives.

Ah well Desie if the only woman I get along with happens to be on indefinite fast in a maximum security ward of a prison hospital well don't get too smug I have only had the one letter from her she might fall out with me after my reply. But no let's not be silly, it would take a few more letters for her to fall out with me and she is more likely to die first. And if she can cope with the Jawans of the Assam Rifles how irritating could I really ever be to her.

I am holding out for a miracle though, that God thing. Now I am aware that he is not supposed to come in like some deus ex machina or K9 who really destroyed Dr Who because yes that would destroy us, but some help here would be appreciated. Not so much that. Because I have the uncanny feeling that God is on her side and so it will all work out. Don't have to let me in on how, but that's the thing with Hope. What does False Hope mean exactly.

So off to meditate, since I missed last post anyway I'll send off all the xmas parcels on Monday. Ten years in solitary and she seems far more normal than any other woman I have known. Don't think I want to unpack that statement. Yep going to meditate then head off to Dharmaram for their play man for all seasons or at least some of it, it's in Malayalam. Hmmm, well when in India. And tomorrow the Alchemist which I hope will be in English (Christ college and they are a bunch of snobs so english it will be). Be nice to go out even with a priest. Been ages since I went out for a play.

Oh I did offer to send her a computer if she was going to write, but you know what these spiritual types are like plus it's probably better just for her not to die on a day to day basis.

safe money

I think my money is pretty safe because I am not that certain how to access it. I quite like the Colonel in Fawlty Towers (though he prolly was just a major then). I remember once Barclays Bank in Ealing had faffed as they do over an account with my mum, and then when we both went down after a few weeks of tooing an froing we were greeted by a senior manager who took us to a computer screen and transferred all the dosh a few thousand to the Nat West bank in about 2 seconds. Your money has been transferred. No waiting five days for clearance. No talk of use your debit card or write a cheque. I believe, and I may be wrong that's the thing with belief, that they don't allow the junior clerks to do this because it's so easy for them to steal money. They aren't that keen on their handling cash on their own.

So am still pressing ahead with an attempt to log in to Turbine for Lotro. But I suspect this will be the most exciting and rewarding adventure of the whole on-line experience so I don't wish to rush it, I think in White Tiger if you recall it's the future murderer/entrepreneur's first time with a pro and they tell him no don't pick the first gel you see, although he had found a nepalese, oh I must visit Nepal I guess no connection, because it's all anticipation. All pleasures arise and dissipate and lead only to misery.

For those of you who understand these mysteries. I had tried to relog and was issued with my username still attached to my current email address. But the randomly generated password they had given me didn't work. So I recontacted support asking for another password. Meanwhile I realized I could get one sent automatically by merely asking for one now I have the username. So I did. And they sent me one except, no email came with the new password.

Now I figure and it doesn't help to think too long on these things it's not as if I am learning Syriac Grammar, but true there is no essential difference between Syriac Sentences and logging on to Turbine. But if the username is still attached to my email account then it probably will come to my email address sometime soon I just have to wait. Although having told the support I couldn't access might complicate matters, if they reset the password.

Oh I contacted the email help at the Indian Gov OCI section and it was as I had thought. It's an automatically generated email which tells you how to fill in the on-line form. It isn't read by anyone and they will not pass it on to anyone. I try not to be superstitious, but perhaps I was not meant to get OCI. The Universe is odd like that sometimes things just happen and it don't matter much either way, and sometimes they really want you to pick the vanilla with fudge pieces and crumble sprinkles. So my guess is that they wanted me to think about visiting other places than India, and if I don't get OCI this is more likely. Though I am not complaining here, but why couldn't they give me one of those poetic auditory halucinations like Sri Aurobindo with specific instructions like Go to Kandy stay at Kandy Cottage and log onto LOTRO with this username and this password (remember these things are case sensitive just copy and paste and you'll be fine me lad)

Ah if only life were that simple

Rubies of silence

For somewhere on the longing breast of earth
The unknown lover waits for thee the unknown.

Last housewife who gave me the standard down-to-earth, I am a working mother with three kids one of them my husband and five lives to juggle I wish I had the time to meditate. I just sensed now the irritation rising in my body before dissipating. Now it occurs me to me you never hear a housewife of a certain age and status in the community complaining that the only reason she didn't have the affair with George (Clooney) was that she couldn't find the time. And it occurred to me, all this talk of evolving into a supramental being and gathering enough tapas so that men would fear and the respect due when really the only thing that is going to motivate the wild elephant or wild boar that passes for my human mind and rational thinking machine is the whiff of a promise of the unknown lover. Why didn't you say Desie, you mean this is going to get us laid. 4.am 5am all the same to us, come on come on life is ticking away and you know our feelings on Viagra.

That said I feel I am much closer to logging on to LOTRO, and with the help of an experienced on-line gamer, and not just that no, why I was only tinking just this second if Queen Elizabeth only knew of the varied talents of the man he'd be given a knighthood for sure. Though I recall my brief moment of abuse of power, when the late Dr Badawi (pbuh) was asked to suggest names of Moderate muslims to be honoured in the lists, and most of them were going for knighthoods, don't think he recommended anyone for peerage, but my moment was to suggest for Raficq Abdulla our resident poet writer impressario and wideboy the Order of Merit. He was a bit miffed later when he came in what's an Order of Merit everyone else is getting a knighthood, until I began to wax lyrically as was my wont and not to everyone's taste at the Muslim College, but you would be the first to be elevated to the Order of Merit, reserved for poet laureates and white people, and if you really want a knighthood just wait a few years and you'll get one for being raised to the Order, check it out on the interweb I had said. That reassured him. Ah but alas that was but my brief brush with power, and occasionally I got a little carried away as when congratulating the local MP on his ennoblement (when he was made a knight) I was tinking he is the nobliest roman etc but though he was suspicious he tanked the good doctor for his congratulatory letter.

Now I must to LOTRO to begin again as they say in meditation, then I shall probably hand the mess over to my expert who will sort things out very quickly or it will drag on for months. Which leads me to suspect there is something very matrixy about life and I think Savitri may be on to something. Oh well that didn't quite work I think I'll leave that till monday when the chappies reply to me about another password or something.

Oh and I have realized. I think I should stay in Kottayam for five years but only to provide a fixed abode for debit card purposes. Then I should explore Indonesia, Malaysia, and Vietnam I never fought in that war so my conscience is clear, then I could head to Laos. Learn some esoteric sitting position on which to do my meditations. I mustn't get very ill, or too old, or the other things. And I like to plan, once i have the average white mac book I can start planning these visits.

Devika and the Kandy Cottage

These things are good signs not sure if the Vipassana is working unless I am beginning to experience the underlying bliss that comes from realizing the impermanency of all tings. First Devika is a proper Sri Lankan name, what's Michelle except an Eastenders throwback. And they emailed straight back. Two weeks for under 20g Sri Lankan which is less than a hundred pounds. Plus they have broadband if I have an average white mac by then and with their broadband only maybe another room occupied maximum three well if you felt the need for speed which I don't but doesn't mean I appreciate long lags. It really slows down here by midday I'd die by lag in LOTRO. Kottayam should be a lot better. Looks like there are only about ten students at Kottayam phenomenologically that is. I was comforted while young when told that the difference between empirically and phenomenologically is the former means that's how it is and the latter is how it feels , so phenomenologically it is far more likely that you will be killed in a terrorist attack than get married once you hit the age of 35. And with the rise in terrorism phenomenologically this has become massively overdetermined. I think overdetermination is when you kick a man when he is down and massively overdetermined when he is probably already dead.

So emailed Jose again, with all this electronic stuff you'd think it would be an easier thing to get money from A to B. But it was a lot simpler in the days when you had men with guns and briefcases handcuffed to other men with guns, and promissory notes underwritten by officials from the national bank. If this defeats the businesslike priest I'll just try the Maestro. Sometimes the Universe directs all with an unseen hand and that it takes such care over details like which payment method I should use, which hotel to stay as well as the bigger things hmmm maybe they are all little things to the Universe. Anyway God's on the case not to worry as you were boys.

slight modifications to plans

So Michelle from the Queen's Hotel hasn't got back to me about rates for a week with an option to prolong. But then I came across the Kandy Cottage, meant for writers and artists has the frisson of Hanzel and Gretals cottage only three rooms 10 usd per night for the first week and 5 per night for the second. Plus it has broadband. I have emailed the proprietors.

Sr Anna has tried to make contact again wants me to use an MP3 to record some biblical stuff. In my limited experience we should try recording one session. Because I am pretty sure I could end up not recording anything and I am not sure if she is any better with modernity than I. Whitebook is one thing. But I remain a devoted Syriac Scholar.

I did think about the train journey but the observation car is available only early in the morning on two runs before I arrive. And I know the bus route now. If the tea plantation guys come through I'll bring back some tea. But it's nice not to have to depend on anyone, then they can take me out to tea, I should bring along a bottle of single malt, it's a bit like stockings and chocolate in WWII, I think, and I am sure I could get rid of it if peeps were busy.

I woz gonna do a lotta tings but instead I shall do other things or not do things with a purpose

I recall my Dad telling me once over a space race thing. The Americans always boast before hand what they will do and if they fail everyone laughs. The Russians do it and then make the announcement. Damn sneaky Ruskis I said or something like. And he said well I think maybe it's a better way to live. I hadn't realized you could say nice things about the Ruskis then and that the Americans weren't poifect. But they said they were.

So nope not going to give blood. They give me such hassle and it gets embarrassing. I could not mention any illness but then if I say anything the chappie worries about his insurance. You mean to say you took a pint of this man's blood after he had given you a full medical history, what kind of quack are you, we sent you here to keep you out of trouble but you couldn't even manage. And if they say something like after a long argument ok take half a pint from him. You calling me half-pint. So not going nope even though it's next door.

Star gazing clouded over and this is Bangalore what they term a city here, light polution. It would need to be the end of the worlde for me to see the light show in Bangalore. And why do these places need so many security lights. I could spot Orion ok dead ahead. But in Nellikuduru if you avoided the security light part the stars twinkled, zillions of them. Managed 20 mins of sukhom asanaed meditation then went to bed and skipped Qurbana and Breakfast.

So now getting ready for tea time. I have some pure ghee sweets as a backup energy source. Gonna press ahead with the Syriac. I may photocopy the W Syriac book of stories. Though I have far too many books. Some meditation and press ahead with completing the idiots guide to Savitri, that was a find. Can't think of anything else I should be doing. Yeah still keeping in touch with the Tai Chi all these places have nice rooftops where you don't get bothered. And as I mentioned to Dendo the notebook may cost a bit up front but internet access is free here because of wi-fi college links, when the electricity works of course. You have to be right next to a Government building if you want electricity guaranteed 24 * 7, like the auxilliary Bishop of Delhi for example.

If I do meet that Bish in Sri Lanka I must ask him about the Tamil refugees purely out of curiosity I am not judging here and I mustn't call him a lying bastard. Though if I don't meet him I hope my place at the Queen's hotel is confirmed soon I may write again on the ruse of asking for discounts on the a la carte menu of the hotel restaurant for a week.

Chocolate Wars

It is with some sadness that the offer of 16.7 Billion USD was rejected as Derisory. You'd think with all the supposed money changing hands these financiers could come up with more colourful terms. TVU's offer to settle with me for 1500 pounds thereabouts was derisory but I am pretty sure I used far more colourful imagery in my rejection of it. And what can a Cheese company possibly know about chocolates, jam perhaps, they could diversify.

And though I have worked out this will not involve very large and very very heavy suitcases carried by lots of security guards with armed guards protecting them all and probably just mean some adjustments to share prices it still doesn't make sense to sell a company for 70p less per share than it is currently worth. Though that's the illusion of money. It may be trading at 788 per share now but if you try selling them all at once they become worthless, so maybe they are only worth 718. But never mind. Hersheys and Ferrero to the rescue white knights.

If it were Hersheys alone it would be intuitively speaking a disaster bit like the old guy without Clint Eastwood who has on occasion made some good spagetti westerns but for my money is always better as Clint's older sidekick and mentor. For all my adult life I have disdained Hersheys kisses, those brash americans just because they add more sugar and probably addictive chemicals, what does it matter if a blind tasting meant I preferred them, chocolate is a dream, how can you have a blind tasting, no one suggests to anyone oh lets have some blind sex testing and see whether indeed you do prefer sex with your wife or with a stranger with a better body, or if they did those damned nanny state effics committees, all the best psychology was researched in the 60s.

I have always felt it would be disloyal to Galaxy which is the finest chocolate bar ever produced, and though I don't like giving the Swiss credit oh wow that was unintentional but when I had thought Nestles had taken the company over they started to improve Galaxy, you could get it with nuts or fruit or both or hazlenuts, which the ordinary Cadbury's bar had been doing for ages, think people think it's not that unobvious. But I guess if the Ferrero family is going in with them it might tone them down, but that's what we said when Blair joined up with them, don't be overawed now chococlatiers, and don't sell out when you sell up. Remember the Ambassadors parties, those days can come again.

I have just acquired an idiots guide to Savitri, definitely one for A B, it has two recommendations on the first two pages photostated one by the then PM Indira Ghandi who states the author gave up a promising career in law to pursue what she calls philosophy, and another by a retired J&K high court judge who says it should be made mandatory at all Indian University courses in Literature. Read the first few pages. It makes Savitri sound a bit like oh reminded me of Dion Fortune's tome about which she extrapolates in her novels. Yeah it's all emanations and obscure poetry. Definitely set me up for the next few weeks. So yes we shall be hopeful about the merger take over buy out of Cadbury's though heed the warning about going with the Cheese people, they'll try and have chocolate strips or soggy triangular choclate in foil in circular packets. Oh No Missus. And yet as Savitri apparently says poetically. The God of Death is not the cruel enemy of Savitri it is Savitri, and Savitri has come to save the children of darkness not to condemn them. All good stuff, I may not keep up with the early meditations but as tonite is the last chance to view the meteor storm and we have a jolly good roof whence to view it early hours I figure 3.45 wake up then head up and see for myself. Reminds me of spiderman though I'll have to play MJ too.

No Power and Glory today but nice gel at Landmark. She was racing through different screens. Whoever designed POS computer screens commercial stuff should take a cue from Windows or Snow Leopard I believe they now calls her, how I have longed for thee O beauty both ancient and new, anyway she has to go to one screen write down a reference number, reinput the reference number in another screen all by choosing options snaking back and forth. Half way through she tells me yes the Power and Glory is active. Which I had hoped meant it would be coming or that some steps were being taken to cause it to arrive (the aphiel conjugation) but after further tapping and snaking and reinputting she had found out that there was in the whole of India only one copy of The Power and the Glory Graham Greene currently in their store in Pune and she would have it sent over. I intend to return next week to claim it or whenver the dosh comes for the average white mac book with Snow Leopard and just as soon as I get the password or whatever I need for wi-fi I can download the Lotro Client and then purchase the Angmar upgrade, oh yeah she took my email address but the nice thing about giving away my email to anyone or ID as they call it here is that usually no one ever bothers me with an email. If I get more than 4 in any one day does send me into a bit of a panic, and if I don't know the sender I tend to delete them anyway.

Ok enough faffing I am back to a quick meditation, read a bit more on Savitri, oh and ploughing fast through the Robinsons only really have verbs conjugations and irregulars left. So not much new grammar just more of the same. Soon it will be time to hit the texts and then we'll see if I can or if I cannot.

Sorrow is the ransom price for imprisoned joy, for the world was made not for suffering but for joy

Haven't brought my satprem with me as usual the french syntax is better, wasted on the french. I think I shall struggle through Savitri for that line alone it's worth it.

So apart from the struggle against meditation slowly being lossed. Like a winter assault on Moscow or a campaign against moral right, this morning I had worked out that there is nothing wrong with meditating horizontally. The back is straight the only reason it's discouraged is because no pain is involved and what's all that about really.

Good news is my ego is being rewarded for its remissness. Now this is a world I can do business with. Money should be released soon from John's cheque. I am guessing next week. Today I shall try and get Power and the Glory, Landmark being an american capitalist and evil firm usually make their deadlines, whereas the really spiritual people and places, well being spontaneous and yeah right if I actually want the thing I'll stick with the sons of darkness who plan and are more subtle in their dealings with men than the children of the light, then.

Looking forward to the Alchemist on Sunday. Trick with love and romance it's actually great fun so long as you don't care. On that why do they always add, this has been the most difficult letter I have ever had to write, does no one learn writing technique any more. Show me don't tell me. Plus on a Dear John letter it's safer to assume that it's going to be more difficult for the reader than the writer and even if you have nailed it, written the most perfectly written dump that could be devised by the most gentle wise and wonderful of peeps in finest poetic, you should still leave that sense that it's not really going to be enough. If I am ever called upon to write such a letter I will show you a copy because for me I will still be relying on the balls and eyes in the formaldyhide cup to show that I am both caring genuine and regret the dishonour inflicted upon the widow, please don't mention this to Jesus you can see he is a busy guy, why don't we work something out for the kids, a educational trust perhaps.

But I have Jose working interference for me with any luck I won't actually meet an eligible widow or if I do I shall confuse her for a Syriac Grammar text that I had read but now feel is the time to move on to primary source materials. I don't think I'll actually give any lessons to the Thais but it was nice of them to ask and I don't think they were doing the Xtian thing pretending to ask for help when they were actually giving which is one day to get out of a lonely Xmas day here if you are priest or religious. You go round day before with loads of food and ask them to cook it for tomorrow I shall dine in your house Zaccheus.

I think I is having a mini-depression but it's fine for meditating light reading and Syriac Studies. If I finish the Robinsons 14 chapters to go in 19 days and I am averaging a chapter a day. That will give me a gentle buzz and I am not overly sold on Vipassana. Sri Aurobindo mind is still appealing except you have to take him on trust. I'll have a go at Savitri. I think he writes too much like me as an adolescent. It's a pretentious well ok camp well it's a huge epic containing the msytery and truth of all his experiences starts off a bit like the Upanishads and I never made it very far into the thing. But it looks like it has a few good lines worth mining for.

Oh and Codemasters sent me one of their regular updates, which is handy, even if they don't reply but if they do it makes resubscribing so much easier. Not sure how it's done in India but if I stick to my old account or at least get the client for next week when I get a free week, well handy eh not so much the universe working with me as the persistence of automated emails paying off in the end.

Xmas in Goa. Quiet works or Christmas sweets and it's Christmas have to overeat a little unless that's really disrespectful but isn't it disrespectful everywhere and I am pretty sure I am not into do-gooding. If the poor expect to be fed then they are going to have to become more proactive. Haven't I always said to them, never ask for what you can't take. You think a slavemaster just frees slaves, what do you think you are caged chinese birds, even the caged chinese birds aren't caged chinese birds.

So mini-depression but I can sense something under the clouds. Oh and I get to go on the annual picnic I think they agreed Nandi Hills for the 5th December just made it. If there is something terrible about to happen, like always didn't have a clue. But there never is any point in doubling the guards it just stretches the line too thinly.

Nope that's definitely it. I'll write more when I've done some more Syriac, got a meditation done, and purchased Power and the Glory.

Then again

So I got ten gees from the ATM. Maestro is working again. Got two tickets for the Alchemist for Sunday 300 rupee seats but the auditorium fits thousands, if it doesn't sell out I think we get moved to the nicer seats and if not I'm not paying 2g rupees for a seat at Christ University Theatre because yes I am a miserly snob. Oh and I do have someone who will go with Fr Arpy the Tamil Liberation priest. He said sure once I told him time and how long. Beats work eh. I think he seemed happy to come but he always smiles.

Oh and Sr Anna who had disappeared for a while plus the Thai priest who really can't speak very much english and whose name I should know by now have asked me to give them English lessons. I got time for now. Plus to make recordings of daily bible readings. Apart from I am not as unpopular as I thought, I am rather good at declaiming. Seriously priests comment, they are wowed in the aisles. Did I mention I did a six week course at Ushaw and can bend the candle flame to the horizontal for half a minute oh ok ten seconds these days but the point is I practised the spirituality of declamation. The priest who didn't understand vowel points said he taught the students here how to declaim but he clearly doesn't do it very well. So yeah Bible reading I am your man, don't matter whether it's far east or east end. In all humility I am rather good at that. Good choice Sr Anna though I can't teach to save my life but how hard can it be speak slowly and if their eyes glaze over I have gotten too excited over a minor point of grammar that isn't that important, because no point of grammar is that important. And some of them stand beside me at mass just to hear me clip me vowels. I tend to do my Noel Coward act when I pray aloud at mass mind.

Giving my cousin's Steve book on Chinese philosophy to Fr Jose. He might actually understand it though he probably won't. Have to start getting rid of the accumulations before 23 December.

Things are looking up. Once I get the first stake of John the Just's cheque I'll head over to the Mall get the average white book. 20 days ish to Kandy. I think I am back on track to finish Robinsons before then.

I am ready for a small disaster or set back oh that's it the reason I returned to post. I found this beauty of a quotation to put inside the Arundhati Roy for Sharmila Chanu takes the edge off the I have learnt to divorce hope from reason ok Arundhati you are a mighty fine looking Keralan babe but the truth is depressing enough the way you tell it, she is like the last of the Russian journalist babes the day before Putin bumps her off, a little balance would be nice here.

Souviens-toi, n'aie jamais peur, n'hesite jamais. Souviens-toi, c'est Moi qui fais, pas toi ni personne d'autre. Quels que soient les nuages qui viendront, quels que soient les dangers et les souffrances, les difficultes, quelles que soient les impossibilites, il n'y a rien d'impossible, rien n'est difficile.
C'est Moi qui fais.
A vision given to Sri Aurobindo

In the past I should have left it untranslated but for her I offered
Remember never be afraid never hesitate. Remember it is I who am doing it not you not anyone else. Whatever clouds come whatever the dangers, sufferings and difficulties, however impossible they seem. Nothing is impossible for Me, Nothing is difficult for Me.
And I am doing it all

I prefer the French turn of phrase but it's more annoying to people if I don't offer a translation and her mother tongue is Meiteilon.

I dunno

Feeling quite uncomfortable now at DVK and it's not just a case of the runs for which I blame the baby pigeon poo. Some of the priests are being a bit friendly and some unfriendly. A room overlooking the lake of the tooth temple for a couple of weeks should have me sorted. I finally took a look at the Government OCI website. There was an email help thing given so I emailed asking for help. I also passed the details onto jessie the advocate but if she can't really use a computer then it's one of those email addresses people have so that they can sound modern and professional it's like some businesses have ansaphones not so that you can leave messages that will be dealt with more to show that they care. Everything sort of happens together in life, I think life is a sham or a con or something, it just doesn't make sense and then at other times things happen just a little bit too neatly.

Read Arundhati Roy, god is she depressing. No wonder the injuns don't like her. I have the odd feeling she is probably telling the truth and this is not the country to be in come the revolution. Best hang on to that EC British passport for now then.

I have decided to think like a missionary priest. I shall divert the 350 quid I was going to give to SEERI in January and put it down as half paymentish on the average mac white book which apparently is now in stock. I shall endeavour every day to try an ATM just to see if the Maestro is still working and I hope next week purchase the new love of my life. Now if I had it or something like it then I should already have made the OCI application not that that is that important but you can see for mundane matters it's a lot more use than a professor of law advocate with connections to the Immigration Czar. Plus I could be playing LOTRO. And I am sure I will need to write essays and stuff more essays in the first term of the MA.

All I have to get planned now is a train ticket to Goa on my return from Sri Lanka. I might be missing something but there you go. Might as well return to meditation and private Syriac studies, at least it will keep me out of trouble. If the ATM does work this week I'll try get two tickets for the Alchemist (Coelho new production) I can worry about who to take once i get tickets. That's me done and I pretty convinced I don't want any new or powerful insights from meditation or freaky siddhis which will probably mean that I will get them so I figure if I hold out the possibility that I might get them then I still won't, or at least maintain the tension of holding these two opposing beliefs at the same time which in itself is an insight and therefore resolves the conflict. But

All Set

Ah illusions this Vipassana never really took hold or not yet. Plan is next week say Wednesay purchase new White Book, 56900 rupiyah all in. Get a fixed deal for one week at the Queen's hotel in Kandy with an option to take a second week at the same rate. Then get visa, return to DVK to clean room a little and make sure pigeons have vacated. Give key to Fr Jose, plus a little extra for the cleaning team though at least the pigeon kids seem to be pooing onto a cloth left for them might be not too bad a clean up. Then to Goa for Xmas. Then SEERI from the New Year. I don't think I've forgotten anything, yeah yeah, princess of clouds still needs to be taken care of, ghost sister mustn't die but life seems almost manageable now I almost have a MacWhiteBook and two weeks at a colonial style hotel in Kandy overlooking a lake and the tooth temple. Damn you capitalism what good is spirituality and prayer against the glamour of consumerism and instant delight.

The end of the world and miscellaneouses

So I knew Olive and me would fall out over a woman, of course he says, how could he brush me off so lightly. And today the papers tell me, that Benedict the XVI the supreme pontiff head of the Universal Church is described pop pickers at Pope No 111 as Glory of the Olives is this too much of a coincidence how could St Malachy or the later forger know that Olive and I would fall out over a woman some day, reminds me of that scene where you know the Beautiful Mind person has gone completely doollally but it's only just beginning to make sense to him. He just got messages from aliens in local papers. I am getting the truth written about my very own life betrayals and possible loves from a genuine sixteenth century Latin forgery although I am beginning to believe that the world is only really 47 years old. Even if there was a theoretically necessary worlde older than 47 years it can hardly be that interesting outwith me in it.

But this means that the next one will be Petrus Romanus the Anti-Christ and will herald the end of the world, so there's no time to lose. Although as a meteorically rising superstar of the Syriac Scholarly worlde I have plenty of free time. Ah I think I caught on to Flavia Gemina Obstetrix Canteloupa Livia. This is just like the scene at the end of Gorky Park, where I says to the General but there is more I have discovered a plot that leads to the Kremlin and beyond. That will be all Commissar. But you don't understand Sir, I believe I have discovered a conspiracy involving high ranking officials of our own, THAT WILL BE ALL Commissar. Ah well never mind, once again the rising star of the Syriac Scholarly worlde has got too close to the truth and now they wish to sideline me. Perhaps I was only meant to report on the alternate theory of how the vases are made not by attaching white glass to blue as the vases are still cooling and then chipping away to perfection but all together using moulds.

There is the usual arson of villages, one by a mob because the owner of a hostel murdered someone so they burnt the place down in the middle of town. One by redevelopers who burnt away a village of 300 for redevelopment. A social commentator complains that he hates returning from NYLon homes because even though they have a recession there they still respect money. Here if you don't actually work for the Government as a VIP or VVIP you get to the airport and have to struggle with taxis and autorickshaws (or in my case buses only problem there is finding where the bus stop is, though sometimes they organize bus shuttles to bus stops). Did I say they will stop all the traffick in a city so the PM or assistant vice deputy assistant minister can get to the Lok Sabha on time. Some guy died of kidney failure because the ambulance couldn't take him to the hospital while the PM was visiting so after several hours delay he died of complications. The PM apologized and all. But dude you haven't figured out you are there to serve the people because he isn't. He is there to make as much money as he can before he loses the election, just like the others. The BJP are sort of tearing each other apart in Karnataka. But that on it's own isn't sufficient for them to lose the next election.

Thing is will that elderly german being fed and nurtured in the west outlive the Meitei Shaman/Poetess in solitary in a secure war of a hospital force fed gunge through a tube. Though by her own reckoning she prefers the gunge they give her back in Manipur. While she was forcefed in Delhi people might have been a lot nicer to her but they don't know didly squat about force feeding. Gave her milk based gunge with vitamins minerals and tings to prevent constipation not roughage the other things. Trick is if you are going to be even tortured and abused and the prison officials want to keep you alive it's always better to stick closer to your home town.

Meditation was a wash out today. Just a mild depression will observe it wafting over and then dispersing with equanimity. One of the Syriac scholars whom I don't rate, Sunny the Canonist decided to make his move on me last evening at dinner. I think he is still annoyed about my shouting at him for suggesting I shouldn't rock the boat with the whole canonical investigation thing. Anyway I prefer silence at dinner these days. The Syro Malankaran monk chats to me about mobiles, I reject them as the work of the devil then Sunny chimes in he has no connection with God why can't you get on with the only brother. Once conversation progressed and I had worked out he meant biological in London not religious here and after suggesting that he really needed to learn more about confidentiality and then more directly that he was pissing me off and it was only his poor English that allowed him to continue so ignorantly but he claimed he was only trying to restore peace so I moved to there is no Blessed are the Arseholes in the Beatitudes father let's continue this in private if you really want. Finally I think I made headway and he said I am offending you. Yes but not to worry I do it all the time and I am not in Hell yet I don't think. And he promised it was a closed book. But I assured him that we would surely find other ways to piss each other off. Community life eh.

So I figure Dezie you progress better on your own. Cut the Syriac classes till January when they promise advanced advanced classes and the beginners classes I can use as revision. Get yourself a copy of listening to locusts. Enjoy Kandy at the Queen Hotel. A lot cheaper than a Jesuit retreat house in Wales and why would anyone spend 2000 squid on a month in Wales again. And then there is Malayalam before bedtime. Oh and at some point try and get tickets for the Alchemist next Sunday.

So plan is leave for Lanka 7th with some lankan rupees. Get to Kandy stay at the Queen's. Next day apply for visa for six months to India. If I get it then I am covered till June. April I leave for SEERI in Kottayam. Start the certificate course or at least do the exams. Before June nip over to Lanka again get a basic 2 year student visa extendable to 5 years. Well over 100 more books to get for my ghost sister, time to sort out a long term future for the Lambadi shamaness daughter (and perhaps in the Woody Allen sense of the term) if I can not get involved in any other person's misery apart from the most highly favoured widow and her baggage as chosen by Fr Jose then all my plan requires is to continue my meteoric rise in the Syriac Scholarly worlde.

My mother used to annoy me by constantly reaching out to new friends sometimes ignoring the ones she had. I have an urge to send my St Thomas Cross and Sandalwood powder to the Director of the Robin Hood Bay Madonnah House, don't know her, will probably never meet her. I should rather send it to Fr Robin who helped my mother, or even Fr Vincent who won't need explaining what to do with Sandalwood. But I understand my mother. If they were such good friends why would they still need tokens. Tokens is for peeps who may one day be friends or whom you never meet again.

And perhaps Oliver meant of course he would publish the book if she wrote it but we both know the welcome stranger is already caressing her body and claiming it for herself, our true eternal lover, and there are limits to what you can contain in wordes, of course. Oh and Fr Jose just popped into library to announce he has the cheque from John the Just. Beauty I don't need to take more cash out for now I think but maybe I do. Money damned irritating allusion. Everything else has to wait it's turn.

some local politics

Haven't made fun of Indian politics for ages. So today some woman poured acid on a male politician, makes a change. A few days ago a senior constable poured acid on his ex wife for trying to leave him. She should have called the police. And in Goa two versions of the same story, one about half naked belly dancers entertaining cops at the opening of a new cop shop. The other in the Deccan Chronicle says it was a more restrained affair, an internationally renowned impressario had brought in some international dancers (well ok from the Ex-soviet union and baltic states in the days of Communism they would surely have been dancers) and they had put on one of their shows for free because it was for the cops to an audience of 200 VIPS. Probably both versions were true, ah it's all about angles of view.

There have been a couple of stories on Irom Chanu Sharmila or possibly Sharmila Chanu I can never work out whether it's postnominal or antenominal. There was a week long festival in Imphal, Manipur led by activists there on Hope and Justice, and the culmination of tag based hunger strike sympathizers by Meitei women. Or empathizers. Plus a three day film festival here in Bangalore. The Hindu of all papers seems to be her strongest supporter but you'd have to search to find any stories about her. She was down to 37kg two years ago. And she is quite tall. I am a lot shorter she is close to half my weight. The internal organs start to be devoured. She is 39 but life expectancy even if she stops now. But this is western science she is a yogin she may live ten thousand years.

Aurobindo argued if you practised integrated yoga long enough your physical body became redundant replaced by a luminescent supramental body of light. Once while meditating in his room during a storm while everyone else was rushing about batting down the hatches, when they came to his room he was sitting meditating away and the calm progressed to the doorways and windows not a drop of rain entered. If you believe my translation of the french. I listened again to My body my weapon. I don't think she is going to end the fast until they repeal the law, and I don't they are going to repeal the law.

I am set on sending her Arundhati Roy's last book, Listening to Grasshoppers. They don't like her in India. Never liked her novel, God of Little Things it won an Western Award which always pisses off the locals. She never wrote another novel. It's a book on how India's democracy has failed and unless immediate action is taken there will be civil war. There is a battle of ideas going on now. Fascism always a populist ideology has replaced mainstream hinduism, but thankfully most hindus are very secular and ashamed to admit to being Hindu, bit like Muslims in the West. So yes I'll send her that one after I read it to her. It sounds depressing but I'll probably agree with it. A criticism I had read in one review today, I've read a few reviews of the book is, but Adivasi Dalits and the poor all vote in large numbers. India is the largest democracy in the world if our democracy was failing then they would stop voting. What a wanker. Nobody really bothers to vote in England because it is at its guts a democracy, the mother of all fucking democracies. Voting has nothing to do with democracy. It's a ritual. In true democracies a magicko-religious mystic communion. And in India a fucking sham.

Fuck ahimsa in language. These cunts can murder rape and torture and all the fucking bastard cunts in the West worry about is will they reduce their emissions and continue to buy our goods and sell raw materials to us cheaply. The only stinking fucking slimy fucking cunting bastard complaint anyone will raise is but does the man really have to swear so much. I am giving this Vipassana meditation my best efforts till June and then I can just sink back into the more relaxing Syriac chanting of the office thrice daily with Grammar and general reading inbetween.

Oh I was going to mention to Sharmila Chanu that the Power and the Glory was on the recommendation of the MD of Karnak Books, New Age and Yoga a sub-speciality and if she ever were to write her own Yoga book they would be happy to publish it. Well I'd pay for that one even if Karnak are too professional to introduce mad dreamers to the moribund hypocrital selfish and poisonous zeitgeist of the West wait a second it would be a coup for Karnak at last an actual bona fide ghost sister magicko religious yogin symbolizing the eternal battle between good and evil in her body, with a good photographer or accompanying CD, I dunno publishing is your business, this is the real mccoy not some green goddess in a bloody leotard for overweight middle age housewives to tighten their butt and improve their orgasm. It's got Karnak books written all over it, if she writes it.

Some bloody Astronomer has published some arsehole nonsense to quieten the souls of Hollywood saying not to worry the Mayans didn't predict the end of the world in 2012. How fucking stupid can you get. Why don't these arsehole idjit wanking scientists just stick to the stuff they know. The occultation of Venus will start here and end here. And leave the whole cataclysmic end times orthodox end of the world sheep and goats and demons and apocalyptic daymares to those who have gone insane on too much meditation. That bloody scientist better watch over his shoulder for the next few years in case some counterangelic entity in a petty mood with no appreciation of human humour decides to take it personal.

Damn it I must get some more serious plans about some kind of specialist dark entity counter-spiritual forces six thing team to do something for Sharmila Chanu, one of them some kind of ex Seraph who sits in the corner brooding just wake me when the killing starts, we aren't going to kill anyone Seraph - what is his name anyway - then WHY HAVE YOU SUMMONED ME, you are here just in case things get a little more complicated but we are certain that all will see reason and the various counter measures will stop any scenario mumble mumble how does he do that stare thing- that's what they always say just wake me when the killing starts.

Oh and one will be the slightly dippy sounding older female I am talking googolplexi of years here, always seems to misunderstand everything and tries to be helpful but with an edge, has that eery voice that lingers too long on the vowels and is constantly trying to overpronounce consonants a caracature of British english, yet it's not so much that she is incredibly stupid or naive more that she is an ultrasupraintelligent quantum level being so she exists only as a continually shifting possibility aware of the fragmentary temporary insubstantial nature of reality so keenly that she is never really certain in which reality she is dwelling because in truth at the core level she isn't, and she can be really handy in close quarters hand to hand combat. Not sure about the others just take anyone stupid enough to come along.

So I am assuming it's ok to put that on the inside cover of the power and the glory just the bit about if she ever writes a book in English and it's on Yoga well you'd publish not the rest not sure if Meitei really like western pseudo shamans interfering in their snake dance rituals. Amateurs she will think who would bring a Seraph and a quantum being to a knife fight. I'd hate to fall out with you over a woman Ollie even though we know this is inevitable

Deux pigeons

Also a literary allusion to a little cafe patronized by benny boys and gels during the early 80s, probably eaten up by a chain now.

So yeah there are two of them, only reason I suspect they are pigeons is because of who is feeding them. Brown feathered tiny ugly with outsized thin beaks would have made good extras for the Wizard of Oz that Witch whom they are now trying to rehabilitate, well good luck with that when you are successful move on to the one with the Spinning Wheel who might already be half done then all you have to go for is Hitler, Stalin or Satan or all three and then you will be ready to work for the Conservative Party.

Fr Biju is taking the 11.am mass (catechesis mass at the forane church which apparently means a deanery church, lower than a cathedral and higher than a parish church). Always liked him what we termed back home as Fr Biju, the lady's man, but not infront of protestants in case they got the wrong idea. Though I once invited a Lutheran to table at the Towers, I had made some comment during the liturgy that we don't hand bread for children to any stray bitches passing by. And if instead one of the stray bitches wanted to present herself to me before I receive communion as my canonical right I would happily spit in her face instead. And I apologized immediately if there was anyone in the chapel who had not been offended by my statements. So sweetness presents herself and I invited her to table and a tour of the towers. Oh yeah then misunderstanding I told the cook Mama Maureen of blessed memory to lay an extra place as my sister was joining us, well long lost sister, well thing is she is a prostitute but please don't embarrass her. First time Mama Maureen came to join us at table out of sheer curiosity. Took a while but I got the gel to explain she wasn't really a protestant but a Lutheran and therefore also truly Catholic at which point Desie Desie Desie.

Looks like they need feeding quite often but the feeders won't interrupt my ablutions and get a little unsettled if I return or leave my cell. Apart from that the little things puff up every time I enter the en suite. Must be a pigeon exercise. I am sure there would have been some kind of Tai Chi Wushu pose adapted for it if they weren't such secretive animals. Oh I say that means I can develop one myself.

And this students is called pigeon cooing in the morning before feeding and it is performed in nest position.

Meditation is still holding barely. I make the 4.am then as it was Sunday today I slept in from five till nine. Had a chat with Maryvalan Thomas Fr who sort of asked why am I here. Very indirect chappy aren't they all. I think the problem is I am not welcome here. I am not welcome because initially I talked too much asked too many questions. The Philosophy teachers here seem to believe for their students at least in a perennial philosophy, they have the answers to atheism and all other lesser belief systems. They teach it you understand it and all your anxieties are relieved. Not for me really.

The spirituality and counselling course is a cross between a two year extended retreat with some professional input. Too crowded. Perhaps I might have belonged if I came at the start of the year. But even within the course you get niggles.

I think and hope that Syriac Studies is more for me. Lots of solitary study. I was thinking about my first book. Loads to publish of original manuscripts of the eastern church fathers, most of whom no one in the West has heard of, or perhaps wants to. But I thought an East Syriac edition of the Gospel of Matthew with commentary and grammatical explanatory notes. It's not particularly a long text. Most editions are in West Syriac and if there is an edition printed with grammatical explanatory notes I haven't seen it. It's a plan. Perhaps for the third year after the Masters. Then either I am sucked into SEERI, Kottayam and have become too strange and institutionalized ever to be happy elsewhere or I go do another masters or PhD in the East maybe the Lebanon.

Key is to avoid subjects that require you to think and ask questions. Syriac you just need to think and solve problems.